I honestly thought bestiality was already illegal pretty much everywhere, but it seems Florida’s been having real problems lately.
I may have shared a story from our local news back when I was a teenager, when a guy was arrested for sneaking into a stable with a stepladder to fuck a horse. He was caught buried to the balls when he came back a second time.
Gov. Rick Scott today signed the Legislature’s anti-bestiality bill — Senate Bill 344 — which makes it illegal for humans to get jiggy with other members of the animal kingdom beginning October 1.
This was actually the third attempt by the Legislature to ban barnyard bangin’, since legislators were convinced they were wasting their time on something that never happens.
In 2009, a Panhandle man asphyxiated the family goat while having sex with it, and there was a horse incident in the Keys shortly thereafter.
Matthew Hendley from the Broward/Palm Beach New Times did a great job with the original article, titled Gov. Rick Scott Makes It Official: You Have Only Four Months to Legally Have Sex With Animals
We like the cut of your jib, Matt, and we’re looking forward to seeing what you come up with in the future.
The full text of the bill can be found here, but I’ll share a few highlights. Whenever I see a bill like this, I have fun imagining the debate over language and red-faced politicians trying not to sound freaky.
(a) “Sexual conduct” means any touching or fondling by a person, either directly or through clothing, of the sex organs or anus of an animal or any transfer or transmission of semen by the person upon any part of the animal for the purpose of sexual gratification or arousal of the person.
(b) “Sexual contact” means any contact, however slight, between the mouth, sex organ, or anus of a person and the sex organ or anus of an animal, or any penetration, however slight, of any part of the body of the person into the sex organ or anus of an animal, or any penetration of the sex organ or anus of the person into the mouth of the animal, for the purpose of sexual gratification or sexual arousal of the person.
(4) This section does not apply to accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices.
That last bit begs the question…do veterinary schools do psychological evaluations? If not, I predict a stampede of goat-fuckers.
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From the “you might not believe this shit” file, until a couple days ago in Louisiana, giving a blowjob or letting someone fuck you in the ass could land you in prison and put you on the sex offender registry for life. That’s right…consensual blowjobs were felonies. Now they’re just misdemeanors. Wait…what?
From RT.com: Legislation limiting sex acts have been on the Louisiana books since the early 1800s, seven years before it even achieved statehood. Up until just now, soliciting certain sex acts, including oral and anal sex, was a big no-no in Louisiana. A conviction could earn you felon status and anyone found guilty of the crime was forced to register as a sex offender — something that was possible only in the great state of Louisiana. The solicitation of “unnatural carnal copulation” also meant longer jail terms and the branding of “sex offender” on state-issued driver’s licenses.
It also seems that with this law, while not specifically directed at prostitutes, almost all the convicts are female and 75% of them are black. Nope, nothing racist or sexist going on here, folks. Not to mention this pretty much makes all homosexual play a felony. I’m sure that was a coincidence.
The new bill, enacted by Senator JP Morrell, decriminalized the so-called crimes from felony to misdemeanor status. That means that first offenders that pay for, well, pretty much anything other than vaginal intercourse, face up to six months in jail and a maximum of $500. Pro-prostitution advocates may say that it is still a little harsh, but it’s a big step from the olden days of — well, yesterday — when sex workers were treated like child molesters. Such will be the same case now, but it will take two convictions to achieve that status.
So, they’re calling it a victory because blowjobs are now only misdemeanors. Certainly progress, but how does an ancient, bigoted law like this survive at all? Some other Dark Age sex laws:
Even if Louisiana has joined the twenty-first century, that doesn’t mean the rest of America has followed suit. A 2003 Supreme Court ruling in Lawrence v Texas found that intimate consensual sexual conduct was protected under the Fourteenth Amendment and invalidated sodomy laws in 14 states across the US, but seven US states still have legislation on the books that makes sodomy illegal.
The state of Idaho still punishes “every person who is guilty of the infamous crime against nature” to no fewer than five years behind bars (I.C. § 18-6605). Anal sex can get you 15 years time in Michigan (MCL § 750.158) and felony status in North Carolina (G.S. § 14-177).
DC politicians take note, too: Virginia law still says “carnally know[ing]” anyone with the anus or mouth is a Class 6 felony. That means cunnilingus, fellatio, anilingus and sodomy are all still illegal on the other side of the Potomac. If you’re reading this in the Pengaton, this means you, Department of Defense!
The original article is a good read.
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From Reuters: In a split 2-1 decision, the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals found that nonprofit groups could not be forced to adopt a policy opposing prostitution in order to receive funding from a 2003 spending bill passed by the U.S. Congress.
This is a more important ruling than it might seem. In recent years Congress has been more eager than ever to tack “thought police” provisions onto important legislation. This has long been the government’s way of forcing private (and often non-profit) organizations to support and adopt Sexual Dark Age policies and ideals so they can get funding they critically need.
In this instance, United States Leadership Against HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria Act of 2003 included a provision stating: “no funds made available to carry out this Act . . . may be used to provide assistance to any group or organization that does not have a policy explicitly opposing prostitution.”
So, the government will help fund the fight against three horrendous diseases, but they’ll only help organizations that explicitly support right-wing values. This is the same general kind of bullshit that was recently used in an attempt to strip all federal funding from Planned Parenthood. Thankfully 2 of 3 judges in this particular appeals court, which happens to be in New York (don’t look for rulings like this in Idaho), are still willing to slap Congress back in line once in a while.
The ruling says, in part: “Congress’s spending power, while broad, is not unlimited, and other constitutional provisions may provide an independent bar to the conditional grant of federal funds…the government may not place a condition on the receipt of a benefit or subsidy that infringes upon the recipient’s constitutionally protected rights.”
Regardless of your personal opinions on prostitution, you should be thanking these judges for propping up our embattled First Amendment. In case you’re not, I’ll do it for you.
Thank you, judges Barrington Parker and Rosemary Pooler, for slowing the demise of American civil rights and doing a bit to keep Congress in check. They’re not there to legislate social policy.
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We have another fuckwad politician blowing out candles in the sexual dark age. How can we still be going backwards?
Re-posted from kevinism.com.
GOP Tennessee Gov. Bill Haslam today signed the bill overturning Nashville’s non-discrimination ordinance. The bill also effectively outlaws all local LGBT rights laws statewide as it bans any discrimination protections not already offered by the state. It was strongly opposed by several major corporations following a letter-writing campaign launched by Americablog Gay.
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Many thanks to the Connecticut House of Representatives for lighting a candle in the Sexual Dark Age yesterday when they approved a bill making discrimination on the basis of “gender identity or expression” a jail-able offense. Hopefully the state senate makes quick work of passing it.
I’ve always found it a little disturbing that we actually have to pass laws against being a bigoted douchebag. Unfortunately we have to do it over and over again, each law being a new battle in legislatures across the country over each individual form of bigoted douchebaggery, but at least it’s getting done a little at a time.
I’m especially impressed that what’s likely to be a bunch of crusty old white guys (as most of our legislatures are) took on the issue in the first place. Transgendered individuals are uncommon enough in society that they tend to spend a lot of time getting left out of the discrimination conversation, and that sucks.
The article from the Hartford Courant is an interesting read and includes a lot of comments from legislators on both sides, but one really stood out to me:
Rep. Kim Fawcett, D-Fairfield, said she is a Christian who leads “a very active, faith-based life,” and “it’s because my faith is so important to me” that she supports the bill, “to assure that people, even if they’re different from us” are “treated equally under the law.”
She blasted unnamed religious activists “who have slandered the intent of the proposal before us” and “stirred up fear.” Such individuals have “not stood up for the same God or the same faith that I hold so dear,” Fawcett said.
Yeah, I had to read it twice, too. But there’s no doubt…it appears this lady is an actual Christian. I felt it was worth taking the time to give her a virtual high-five, because we don’t see many of them in the press lately. So, Kim Fawcett, if by some unlikely chain of events you end up on this website, I’d like to thank you for being part of the solution.
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The legal coordinator for Atheists of Florida, Ellenbeth Wachs, has been arrested for the second time this year. The first arrest warrant alleges that Wachs posed as a lawyer. The second alleges that she faked an orgasm.
From the “Truth is Stranger Than Fiction” department of George Orwell studios, we have a woman who supposedly faked an orgasm being prosecuted because a child heard it. If I was the kid’s father, I wouldn’t want it all over the news that he wasn’t accustomed to hearing female orgasms. Maybe that’s just me.
Anyway, I guess you girls have one more reason not to fake orgasms anymore, and that ain’t all bad.
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From the Huffington Post:
Sexting: Schools, Legislators Debate Punishments For Offenders: The popularity of sexting has sent parents, school officials and legislators scrambling to figure out how to address the issue.
…The New York Department of Education has also moved to ban sexting. The rules would mean 90-day suspensions for students caught sexting. Students could get in trouble not just for messages sent during school, but at home as well.
If you give teenagers phones with cameras on them, they’ll send naked pictures to each other. They’re teenagers and are exploring their sexuality, largely in a complete vacuum because society just can’t let go of the institutionalized ABSENCE of practical sex education.
We will never control the teenage sex drive with laws. Period. Anyone fool enough to think otherwise hasn’t been properly laid in far too long.
Educate them. Actually TEACH them about sexuality, instead of leaving them to learn from the internet because you’re too intimidated (by the most natural act of our human existence) to talk about it with the children for whom you proclaim love.
Prohibitionism won’t work any better with sexting than it does with alcohol, because it’s just another societal hypocrisy.
“Don’t do this, kids…this is BAD. We’ll put you in jail and stuff. When you’re a little older it’s OK, but not NOW. When you turn 18 you go through a magical transformation and suddenly naked pictures are OK. Then when you’re 21 booze is magically OK.
It seems all our learned lawmakers are too blind or feeble-minded to realize the most basic truth of adolescence. Teenagers most desperately want one thing: To be treated like adults and to do adult things. Age based prohibitionism is like waving a red cape in front of a bull.
It’s why the US has horrendously elevated rates of alcoholism in comparison to the rest of the civilized world. We prohibit instead of teaching. We say, “It’s OK, just not for YOU. You’re not a grown-up yet.” It’s a bullshit contradiction that can only possibly make sense to those too old to have any meaningful memory of what it’s like to be young.
This is simply a continuation of an old legal hypocrisy. In most states the age of sexual consent is 16, yet if a 16-year-old takes a picture of themselves having sex they’re producing child pornography and can be charged with a felony. To this date no one has offered me even a half-baked explanation as to how it can be illegal to photograph a legal act.
The New York School Board is going to suspend students for 90 days based on text messages they sent at home? Really? Do we even have constitution anymore? I know she’s worn and tattered, with a bunch of eraser marks from the last couple decades, but I really thought there was some shred of it left. No school board has that sort of power, and to insinuate otherwise is hubris worthy of public floggings.
Kudos to those such as Pam Lampitt for attempting to use an educational solution. Unfortunately, before we can have any real reform in the way America handles sex education, we’re going to have to get some for our lawmakers; and that’s an uphill battle if ever there was one.
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