37 Responses to “My Dick Got Demoted”


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  1. Light Knight

    I’m not sure whether to demote or promote my dick. I’m not planning on being sexual yet as I’m 15, but I’ve never been sexually attracted to a female. I’ve been romantically attracted to girls but not sexually. This I only mean those I know in real life. In pornography I love to see and usually prefer girls, though not always. Is it just my age that I don’t lust for the girls in my life? The weirder thing is my lust going to guys. Usually my sounding board, who’s name I’ll not say to protect the guilty ;). It started when I decided for fun to ask if he had a fetish. He said bondage and domination. after that my perverted 14 at the time year old brain had a fantasy of being tied up and teased by his hand until I begged and had a screaming release. I told him over skype, our usual talk zone, and since he sees himself as bi he agreed. As time went on, another fantasy came on of ME sucking him off, and him to me. Again, I told him and he agreed, but only a week before he was supposed to come, mum found out; my friend was disallowed from contact with me, and I lost my parents’ trust. I don’t know whether to DMD or not, as I don’t want to screw myself over in terms of a happy sexuallity with a partner to have a kid with because I eternally hold mr. willy on a 2 inch long rope. What should I do? please do respond on the show. I love the show and hope it continues with laughs and practical info to banish the BS. May we young’ns learn to shine light into the darkness and obliterate it, one step at a time.

    P.S.: sorry it’s so long. I had a lot to ask and tell for you.

  2. Oregon Cowboy

    My dick got demoted early, and when I say early I mean real early. I lost my virginity at twelve to my step sister, please save the cracks and disgusted comments, I demoted Willy when I was fourteen. As a freshman in a rural highschool the Dark Age made it impossible to discuss sex with out getting the abstinence only bullshit, what passed for sex ed was a farce that was only taught to the senior class. But the reason my dick got demoted was because it firmly over riding my sense of self preservation. I had some how gotten a date with an upper classman, the date ended in sex, so naturally my young, dick driven mind thought it was amazing. I was with her for six months, in that time she became insanely jealous and violent if she even thought I was thinking about a girl other than her, in one highly batshit move she accused me of sleeping with a classmate I had to do a project with, I did end up having entering a dominant/submissive relationship with her my senior year, but that’s another story. Anyhow she got it in her head that I cheated on her and after an exhausting round of fucking, she straddled me and started making her accusations, every time I denied it she would crack me and call me a liar, sometime during the battery I blacked ou, I ended up getting stitches and a fractured jaw, cheek bone and orbital, I did have charges filled against her and my dick lost its right to make anything less than a suggestion. I am now twenty two years old and in a stable relationship with a wonderful transgender person, female to mal e, bisexuality has some wonderful benefits, I have not been abused by another person since “The Crazy Bitch” and I know the difference between being hurt to enhance pleasure and being hurt because I stuck my dick in something nutty.

  3. Brian

    I was married for 30 years. My wife has a rare cancer and will die in a few months. When I was young my dick was promoted I guess, but, isn’t always with the young guys ? Try not to get your feelings hurt and try not to catch anything lethal and you will survive.

  4. Lowlife

    After reading your story I just had to share mine, and I hope you enjoy it. About 15 years ago my dick got demoted. I was in my early 20’s and spent most of my free time at the bar looking for tasties. So there I am drinking $5 pitchers of draft with my buddies when this lady (if you can call her that) strolls up the the table we were standing at, drops to her knees and licks my zipper. Now you have to realize that the alarm bells in my head were ringing like a fire house, but not only was my dick making the decisions, I also had all my buddies egging me on so I inevitably took her home expecting a one night stand. Fast forward a couple of weeks of her never leaving me alone. I tried to tell her that there was nothing between us and she had to leave. She refused to leave my house so I left. She then jumped into the passenger seat of my car as I was trying to drive away and wouldn’t get out of the car. Being as angry as I was I got out of the car and started walking down the street (oops forgot to grab the keys out of the ignition). So there I am about a half a block away from my car when I here it fire up and drop into gear. She then proceeded to try to run me over with my own car (I got out of the way just in time) and skidded to a halt in the middle of a busy intersection. I had to call the cops and have her forcibly removed from my car and put a restraining order on her. That was the day My Dick got Demoted.

  5. OGP

    A recent change in my life actually cause me to PROMOTE my dick. I have known her for 2+ years and she knew I was interested but for various reasons she was not interested (in any one). Out of respect I pretty much had the ole dick on a very short leash. The world changed she is now interested and I have to uncage and teach my dick that she is now a ready willing partner for more than holding hands.

  6. Anonymous

    Don’t put your dick in crazy.

  7. envay

    i think i need to demote my clit… I am 18 and i have been with over 40 guys. I have been in some rough spots, and somehow i am still alive. I have had about 5 one night stands, and many fuck buddies. Only a quarter of my sex partners have i been in an actual relationship with. I only say i need to demote my clit because i am in college, and i almost got kicked out because i was too busy petting the pussy and not hitting the books. my problem is i lost my v-card when i was 13 and i dont really know how to go without sex, or even stick with the same partner for more then 3 weeks. I have a horrible cheating record, and for most men i cant say no… My pussy is constantly begging for more. I need to demote my clit (for the time being) before i end up with a kid, stds, failing out of college, or dead..

    • Jscr

      I empathize with you. I have had similar issues and have a difficult time staying devoted to one partner. That’s why I’ve said if things don’t work out with my current partner I will become a polyamorist.

  8. Indianna

    Maybe we do need a ‘Demote My Clit’ page or something.

    I think as your show gains popularity, you’ll find plenty of women with huge sex drives that have done the same stupid things that their male counterparts have done. Not only that, it’ll provide lesbians and bisexual women somewhere to post their stories without having to search for them on this page. Personally, I thought that I was the only woman who did stupid shit just because the man in the boat wanted to have some fun for a long time.

    Fucked up a serious relationship just because I really wanted in some new guy’s pants? Check. Waded through weeks of clingy relationships just because the chick was a great fuck? Check. I finally got everything under control, but man, those were some seriously fucked up years.

    I’m glad my clit was demoted.

  9. Roger

    I think it’s time to demote my dick. It keeps chasing those warm wet holes and they tend to turn out totally crazy. Usually after a beer or 3 he gets his way… The other day it caused me to fuck this super hot girl for many hours, while my wife was sleeping in the next room. My wife would be ok with it, if she was involved, but the little man said NOW and the big head followed. She never woke up, but now the big head needs to man up and tell her, the little head gets off easy. I have a wonderful non-monogamous relationship, the little guy needs to stop leading the way, that’s the wife’s job now… We’ve been married 2 years, swingers for 10 years, but sometimes the pull the little guys got is insane…

    • Yeah, definitely time to demote the little fella. Since you’re already swinging, how would your wife have felt about getting woken up with a pussy delivery?

      • Roger

        She would have not been overly happy… She likes a little warning before play, and choice in the matter.

        We also have a play room, there is no play allowed in our bed, so waking her up with a play toy in our bed would have been a double bad.

        The little guys been mostly good as of late…the big guy has just been avoiding the situations for the little guy…

  10. backblast02

    Having been w/o pussy (for medical reasons) for longer than I care to think about, Not have an affair represents my decision to demote my dick.

  11. Psyche

    When I first saw the Demote My Dick Got Demoted page, I was reminded of a classic Seinfeld where Jerry has a DMD moment, which he describes to George as “my brain and penis playing chess-and I’m letting my penis win!” To make a long story short, the brain eventually wins.

    A question: is it possible to demote your clit? If so, I would like to do so with mine.

    • Psyche

      My Demote My Clit moment involved an aquaintence of mine that I had what could be charitably described as a friend with benifits. I walk and take the bus everywhere, and he’d suddenly appear where I was, we’d go walking, and eventually he’d lead me somewhere to fuck me. The problem was, he was a lousy lover. And a minute man. I tried to show him how I liked it, but he’d ignore me. I now suspect I was the girl he’d fuck when he was going through a dry spell. Plus, he was the most unpleasant person to be around. Just being in his presence made you want to take a shower for days after. I haven’t seen him in a long time. Maybe he has demoted his dick.

    • It’s possible, but I maintain that in the Sexual Dark Age demoting a clit is a terrible thing to do. You won’t feel that way once you find a qualified operator ;)

      • Psyche

        Well, at least I can reassure myself that he’s somebody else’s problem now.

      • MrZBud

        JV, I somewhat understand where you’re coming from… and maybe what Psyche did doesn’t quite rise to the level of needing to demote her clit… but there must be girls that have fucked themselves into dangerous places and need to demote their clits. Say, for example, a sub girl who gets herself into BDSM situations with a guy she doesn’t know, in an unsafe environment. Those types of situations seem ripe for clit demotion.

        • Psyche

          Did I mention I didn’t use protection with this guy? Why I’m not pregnant or have and STD, I don’t know. Oh, and these places he took me were never hotel rooms. They were places like a filthy mattress in a dilapidated RV, in the grass right behind an abandoned home,etc. If this guy had been a fantastic lover, I would’ve enjoyed it. But since I was too polite to say I wasn’t into him, ask for a condom, or tell him I didn’t enjoy his company, I demote my clit.

  12. Johnny

    I have to say I have finally in my late twenties realized that I HAVE to demote my fucking dick. My dick has been my best buddy for a long fucking time but I have to admit he has got me into some BRUTAL situations just because he wanted to be in a warm wet hole. This latest one really did convince me though that it was time to demote him.
    I met this girl when I needed a room mate and at first she seemed totally normal. looking back, there were HUGE signs that she was fucking insane not to mention the disastrous situation of fucking your room mate, but my cock totally got the better of me (once again) and the following year was one of the craziest bags of insanity I have ever had to wade through. The whole thing has left me with the impression of “DONE”!
    We have had some good times but I am getting too old for this kind of lifestyle and am left wanting more substance. Quality over quantity. Thanks so much for this awesome podcast J.V

    • Yeah, that’s very similar to my own experience. It’s like you end up wanting to look down at your cock and scream “SERIOUSLY, YOU COULDN’T SEE THAT COMING?”

  13. Psyche

    I demote the dicks of every man I have ever slept with. Guys, porn isn’t a reliable source of info on how to have sex with a woman. It’s like watching a Bruce Lee movie and thinking that the stuff he does will help in a bar fight. And this is for you Robbie, if you’re reading this, whining about your penis size is a big turnoff for for women. So is asking a woman to go down on you and not trimming “down there”. And remember: Quantity isn’t the same as quality.

    Whew! So glad I got that off my chest!

    • Swaggie

      I agree. I shave my pelvis, dick, and nuts. My gf loves to go down. As for penis size, I’m lucky to be a lil over average, but I’m a tall guy at 6’4″ and I used to feel like my junk was small. Over the years I have learned how to work it and work it good. I have to say that working it right is really all that matters. If you can make a girl cum often and hard, she won’t care how big or small you are, as long as you are doing what she likes.

      • Psyche

        My lovers have all been the type that I got the feeling I was simply there because either they ran out of lotion, they saw every single piece of porn known to man or their hands got tired. They treated me the same way they did their jerking off: come, pull pants back on, fall asleep. And yes, I tried to gently tell a guy how I liked it. He’d always ignore me. It was like he was on autopilot. When the last guy-the guy who wanted me to give head but not trim the bush-told me he wasn’t gonna talk to me untill I got my shit together, I silently thanked him. It was that bad.

        • Mor-Ríoghain

          Yes indeed! My husband is like that! No matter how many times I have asked him to do something new, even silly little stuff like talking dirty, which I do for him at his request, HE WON’T DO IT! I have thought about having an affair with some 19 yr old hottie, but then I remember that he was once that 19 yr old hottie and so were many others and none of them could perform to my standards! I have started to think of myself (as seen thru his eyes) as a cum recepticle. This is just so bad…I’m done.

  14. PJ

    I demoted my dick after a woman used me to get herself pregnant. She told me she was infertile – guys, never, never believe that one!

    I love the kid and am helping to bring him up, but I really didn’t need that kind of a trick pulled on me in my late 40s.

    Love the podcast – just left a review on iTunes, so let’s see if it gets past their censors…

  15. Eyes WideOpen

    I want to DMD. And let other tools help me. But my wife and I have had some problems in our marriage. I have not been able to claim that pussy as mine for a long time. Now JV when we have auguments I don’t want to have any thing to do with her. So I end up jackingoff by my self. I hate that I can not get over my self and just Fuck her. So we both end up not enjoying each other. All the thing that you have posted befor has giving me BiG kick in the balls that I’m not sure how get back on the right path to making her happy again? I’m trying to get over myself and JUST DO IT! But that first step back seems hard. My wife is a very very independent women that it is some times intimidating how Frank she can be when I don’t try to LAY THE PIPE!! I just back off!!

    Well sorry for the run on. And I love your style of written. I hope you can guide me out of my Owen DarkAge!! I will do the Home Work if you Lead the Way!


  16. Ranting Ho-Bag

    Guys should demote their dicks when it comes to being obsessed with getting the hottest girl possible. Your average-looks partner can probably pick up on your lack of enthusiasm and therefore you’re going to miss out on awesome sex if the woman you’re with feels that you find her lacking. The way that a person believes their partner sees them will influence their performance and enjoyment of sex.

    Having the idea that you need to keep trading up based on looks is pretty much a gold-digger mentality and won’t work well for your sex life in the long run (unless you’re wealthy and into prostitutes, I guess, but if you’re looking to have free, enthusiastic sex with women then you’re going to end up having to tone your judgment down).

    Also, if you’re looking for someone long term you *really* need to demote your dick where looks are concerned. If you’re looking for someone to start a family with then you need to consider if she’s a reasonable, ethical person who shares your values (whatever they might be) and who will be caring over the long term.

    If you’re thinking 100% with your dick all the time then you’re not differentiating qualities in hot women, you’re only seeing “hot” and “not-hot” where women are concerned. You’re just plowing ahead because someone has a nice rack, not because they have a nice rack AND are a caring human being. That’s just a bad call.

    Sorry if anyone is offended, but I think it’s a real problem people have. And that problem gets pushed off on any kids they may have by creating unstable and unhappy homes. Women have the same issues, but since this is “demote your dick” I figure those issues aren’t relevant to this thread. Maybe there should be a “demote your pussy” thread or something?

    • As a general rule I try to be the only one ranting publicly, but your little rant is both articulate and well founded. Women do indeed have some of the same issues, but I’ll have to see a little more listener interest in this page before I duplicate it for the ladies ;)

  17. Robin

    Hello and Thank you for such a refreshing show. I might aswell demote my dick. The problem is that the brain says pretty much the same thing. “Stay with this girl, she is the hottest one you ever might score.” So I pretty much need to demote myself and let my dick decide for me so I can get it over with. Grabbing some strange one’s at the bar or something. I need to have my stories, I need to live my life pretty wild. At the age of 22, I need to try the singlelife for a while, So I can get the motivation to finaly excercise, to get slim again.

    I cant really see any real reason to life itself for a moment actually. Except waiting for you episodes. Well, this wasn’t a demote comment, after concideration, but hey. It truly is a comment.

    • Hey Robin, I’m always bummed to hear from anyone in your position. I mentioned your comment in Episode 9, and I hope I was able to reinforce the conclusion you’ve already come to.

      • Robin (again)

        Hi again J.V! I’m just back to say a few words.
        I’ve actually sticked out with this girl, and things have gotten more interesting. And I believe that we’re soon into BDSM if things are going like they are going now. She even has her own collar now. Not even my idea at all. Which surprises me. So. My dick didn’t get promoted or demoted or whatever, But I sincerely think that my post should be moved to the bathroom-wall instead. About the exercise, I dont need to be single, I just needed to know that she was with me 100% of the way, which she now is. I seriously hope that I get a good idea of how to propose to this girl. How she’ve stood out for 5 years soon completely boggles my mind. I need to have this girl in my life, for all of my life.

        Have a nice day!
        Thanks for a great show!

        • Hey Robin,

          I’m really glad things have turned around so well for you, it’s always great to hear back from people who are happier :)

          As far as proposing I’m no expert, but I can give you one very valuable piece of advice. Don’t make it a grand gesture in public, or in front of friends and family. That puts her on the spot, and you might get a “yes” that turns into a “what the fuck were you thinking doing that to me?” once you’re in private. Whatever you decide, you’re best off making it a moment for the two of you without spectators.

  18. What a great story! I don’t have stories about some guy needing to demote his dick or anything but felt the need to give you kudos for that story! I just love how open you are and everything, very refreshing and entertaining.

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