Bathroom Wall
As the title would indicate, this page is the site’s audience free-for-all page. Some listeners have had things they wanted to post, but didn’t know where they would fit in. Henceforth, the comments on this page are an appropriate place to anonymously post anything you’d like to share with me, Shara or the rest of the audience.
If you have a comment, question, advice request, or anything else you’d like to post, have at it; and feel free to reply to anything posted here as well.
Follow / Subscribe
JUST RELEASED!
-
Now For ANDROID!!
Hi JV (and friends),
I absolutely love the podcast and have listened to it from the very beginning. I also got my fiance to start listening to it and she enjoys it as well. (She always talks about how sexy JV’s voice is too, and says ‘I wonder what he looks like’.) But that’s besides the point, lol.
I have been with my fiance now for going on two years. In a previous relationship, I was starting to get involved with the swinging/poly lifestyle. I didn’t go into the deep end of the pool yet, but definitely started testing out the waters. That relationship ended badly, and a few months later I met the love of my life, my current fiance.
My fiance is a beautiful woman, (in fact, she used to be a stripper at a big-city establishment a few years ago), but she has put on a little extra padding after having her last child which makes her feel insecure with herself. I know that inside of her, she is a freak waiting to come out. We have explored bondage play in our “play time” (inspired by your podcast) and enjoyed it thoroughly.
I want to encourage her to explore the possibilities of ethical non-manogomy with me, and go on this exciting journey together as a couple. I strongly believe that exploring ethical non-manogomy would be a great way to not only have good fun together and meet new friends, but also to solidify what makes our relationship truly awesome – our special emotional and mental connection that no one could ever share with us. I think we would have a ton of fun, if she were to let loose and allow herself to enjoy it. We have briefly talked about it, and she has gone so far to reply to me that she would do it IF she felt secure with herself. She is afraid that if we met someone or a couple, that somehow I would start secretly talking with the other woman and that the other woman would “steal me away from her”. That of course, would never happen. I love my fiance to death and feel that there is nothing that could take me from her – she is the best woman I’ve ever met.
I know she has been in threesomes and group-related sex in her past (that she doesn’t want to tell me much about, though I ask), but she explains that she didn’t really “care” about those people she involved herself with and that she really “cares” about me, and is scared of losing me.
One other thing to add into this: I asked her if she would have sex with another man in front of me if I wanted her to. She said “yes, if it pleased you, I would do that.” I asked her if she would have sex with another woman in front of me if I asked her, and I got another “yes, if it pleased you, I would do that and probably enjoy it too.” I asked her if I wanted us to have a threesome with another woman, would she do it. She said “yes, and I’d allow you to do several things to her as long as you did NOT put your dick in her.” Of course, me not being the kind of person that enjoys blowjobs (yes, for real), that didn’t sound very appealing to me, so we haven’t explored this possibility any further since that discussion.
Here’s my question for you, JV (and anyone else that wishes to chime in on this): What should I do? Am I missing any opportunities I should take advantage of here? Should I be doing something else to help bring out her freaky side to make her enjoy our sex life even more?
Thanks, and I appreciate your reading.
Hello everyone. while listening to episode 30 J.V. asked for tips for the new mom so she can have sex with a kid around. Well My girlfriend has a almost 2 year old girl and they live in a one bedroom and one bath. the way we have kept our sex life going is to wait till the little one is asleep while the tv is on and in her own bed and we just put on a show that covers any noise she makes during. This is just the way we have found to keep things going. Just be sure the child is asleep
Hello J.V. I love your show and have been listening for some time now.
Me and my wife have been experience with BDSM.
And having alot of fun I mite add . I want to do a special weekend for her .
so I though to myself I bet they have a dougen set up that could be rent for the weekend.
So I got online and I was right but the closest place I found was in Atlanta . I live
in louisiana . I was wondering if you knew of any adult playspace for rent that is closer ?
the place I found 1763~A Deviant Place of Decadence is a 10,000 sf dungeon in Atlanta Ga. . looking for something similar .
HELP!!!
We’re big fans of the show and have suddenly found ourselves in a really difficult situation. Some advice would be appreciated, since we really can’t talk about this with anyone else in our lives.
We are a happily married couple and had our first swinging experience last fall with a couple that we really clicked with and then became friends with. Btw, it was mind-blowing. In our times together, we have talked a fair bit about ourselves and we think we know them well enough to know that they do not play separately. More to the point, we’re pretty sure she would never go for it.
Recently, the two of us have been flirting with the idea of a mfm threesome and thought we’d post an ad on craigslist just for fun to see if we could actually find the ideal candidate.
In the midst of the 100 responses we got was one reply from the male half of our friends (we knew it was him because of the pictures). He was using a different name and different email address. Worst of all, we asked for a v-safe guy in the ad and he claimed he was – and we know he’s not. They’re thinking of having kids soon!
Where do we begin? First of all, we don’t know if she knows about this or not? Maybe she does and they just didn’t tell us they play separately for whatever reason. But if that’s the case, they’re not being upfront, and that has ‘safety’ implications. Not to mention, he lied about being v-safe.
But most likely, she does not know. We want to tell her because we feel it’s the right thing to do, but who are we to meddle in another couple’s life? But how can we not say anything? Either way, we’re put off and can never play with them again unless all is explained somehow. We can’t just stop seeing them and not say why.
Ultimately, we’re just really disappointed and feeling like such a great friendship with so much potential is ruined.
This sucks.
hey…i’m curious about how someone would get into the “phone sex” business on their own. or maybe someone has info about other ways to actually make a living via web/phone activity (legal of course!)
the industry has always intrigued me and i’d love to hear from others who are/have been involved. down sides? issues? whatever you can offer would be appreciated !
take care, play safe
I have a question and I am not sure where else to ask or look for the answer and if this was asked already I apologize. First of all I am in a relationship with this new guy and we just started having sex. It is fabulous and pretty close to the best I have had. My question is he is a very large man I mean not in length he is good sized there but in width (I guess that is what to call it). I have a hard time or at all giving him oral sex. I want to but it is a matter of just can’t physically. I am not sure what to do is there other ways to get around this issue? I have never come across this issue in the past. Please help. I have no problem asking him his opinion but if I can find out some nice little trick (s) that would be great.
Dawn
I just started listening to the podcast this morning, and it inspired a nice little session this evening – a surprise on his end which sent him off to dreamland swiftly
Just curious if the cover of Lady of the Drake bears any resemblances to J.V. and Shara?….an inquiring mind wants to know!
Nah, they were models selected by the cover artist based on descriptions ;o)
With my older 2 kids (19 and 16) our sex talk usually consisted of the standard birds and bees. I took it a step farther and after the safe sex talk went into respecting your partner. My husband and I really hit home on that. We also discussed with them about being “emotionally” ready for taking the big step of having sex as 1 of the kids was clearly not ready for that. This was the now 19 year old, but at the time was 16. Their father and I didn’t get into the “mechanics” of it because frankly the kids seemed more uncomfortable about the discussion then we did. We ended up leaving it up to them to approach us with questions. We tried to establish a “safe place” to discuss this with them and explained that Dad and I had been there and done that and would help answer any questions if we could. With the 2 younger ones I’m wondering if I should use a different take on this. The older 2 seemed so “bothered’ more than anything and later confessed “it’s just too weird to heard you and Dad talk to us about sex we dont’ want to think about you guys having sex”. Naturally I replied,”duh how do you think you got here” So if anyone has any suggestions just pass them this way. We have time the younger 2 are 6 and 9….sigh. It goes so fast, adn soon it will be their turn for the sex talks.
Heard you guys on Life on the Swingset and gave you a download and love it so far. I’m up to episode 11.
Take care
Linda
As a child therapist the “sex” talk needs to start when they realize what they have in the bath or shower and start exploring. Using medical terms, talking about privacy, talking about good and bad touch are all forms of the sex talk. If you make a safe place right now it won’t be so weird when they are older. Answering questions in an age appropriate way as they come up and using other people’s shameless public affection as teaching moments. Get them books from the kids section of the library and be openly affectionate with your husband in front of them so it seems so natural that thinking about mom and dad having sex is second nature. The best way to make them comfortable is by showing them what a true happy relationship is so there will be no questions about what a good relationship is. Also, teaching them about touching themselves and where it is appropriate will also be helpful. They will be doing it anyway but they need to know that it is ok and healthy to do so. Biggest thing is to start now because other kids with older siblings will educate your kid in a way you may not approve of with porn or other crazy mythical fiction.
I do most of these things with my sons (11,9,6,6). Their dad was sexually abused by his father & we have had to talk to our kids from a very early age about these things (good/bad touch, etc).
But, what if I don’t have a husband? I do have a significant other, but he’s [still in the dark age] in front of his girls (3, 2). And we don’t have all 6 kids together very often. How can I reinforce to my boys that toching and being affectionate is ok? I’m very open & honest with my boys about sexuality, even when it makes my SO uncomfortable.
I am 20, living in Salt Lake City, sort-of dating a 17-year old in South Carolina. I just turned 20, she won’t turn 18 until this upcoming August. We have known each other since about the middle of last October.
She and I are super close, have a ton in common, and have never connected with another person like this before. We mainly talk via text, phone calls, and skype.
I have no problems with my exes, though she has an ex she dated for 3 years, only to break up because he wanted to marry her before he left for the marines. He is either a year older than I am, or 2. I can’t remember. In addition, she has also had other relationships with guys a couple years older than she is, meaning she is very mature and can handle dating guys older than she is.
She has told me that she still loves him, the marine, though claims that he is just an ex, but is very excited to spend some time with him once he gets back this August from overseas.
Tonight, she just told me that she had sex with another guy. Not the marine. Just some guy that she’s been friends with/sort of known for a while, but has never been with him one-on-one until tonight. She said that she did not even expect to kiss him at all, but she said that she can see herself falling for him even though she assures me that won’t happen, and I believe her.
Now, I am feeling sort of betrayed. I am the type of guy that, when I fall for someone, I am solely dedicated to that one person. And, when she told me things things about the guy that she had sex tonight, whom i hadn’t heard of until she just told me that she had sex with him, as well as the fact that she still loves the mean, I get mixed messages.
I am completely open to loving more than one person. Though it is hard for me to do, I completely understand people loving more than one person intimately. Also, she and I are big into the “touching”, and we have to have physical contact, though I am willing to not do that for the other person if they are far enough away.
But, she obviously has no problem having intimacy and physical contact with other people. And if it makes her happy, I think she should do it. But, I feel betrayed in a way, emotionally awful. That even though I know she and I have never felt this way about anyone before, she can still do intimate acts with other people. And I’m not about to tell her what she can or can not do, because we’ve only been dating, and we’re over 2000 miles away from each other physically, though we’re really really close mentally and emotionally. I know we both love each other, but I feel like her loving and doing these things with other guys, especially this guy out of the blue depreciates her love for me, even though logically I know she still loves me like she always has.
Is this normal? Should I feel this way? What should be done about this, if anything?
I don’t see an episode addressing squirting. As a woman who is capable of and enjoys this, I would love to hear a man’s perspective on it . . . Shara’s too, of course. So far, I have only been able to achieve it during masturbation (alone, by myself, no one elsr within earshot or squirtshot) because I’m more than a little self-conscious about it. Thoughts?
Also, love the podcast!
I just listened to an old one where they touched on it. It’s #9. I believe they also mention it in #8, the Sex Toys episode.
Just started the podcasts and am loving the information. I wasn’t the most sexually active and adventurous in my younger years but this as been helping out. Dunno if this get’s covered in the listener mail or has been in one of the main posts but I’m in need of some advice.
I’m sort of involved with this girl who’s last relationship with a guy was abusive and ended in rape. This puts me in a difficult position when I want to try some of the advice of taking charge or being a little more sexually forward and spontaneous because I know that really works for me. I’ve done my homework in giving without getting at times to give the message that it’s okay for her to receive and that I don’t mean to use her as a throwaway fuck-toy. I’ve tried approaching the subject of boundaries and what’s okay but it’s understandably hard to talk about for her. We still enjoy enjoy sex together, I just feel it could be better if I didn’t have to do the slow build up and get her to make a move to put her at ease. Is there already a podcast that covers abuse? Or maybe some area on the site I should be looking?
It’s Shykitty again. Had a toy question. I have this silicone dildo with suction cup (that won’t stick to the wall…). It is an eight incher I believe and I’ve had it for a while. I haven’t used it much and there is a good reason for it. Every time I use this particular toy, I end up hurting myself. It’s not the size; I take that just fine with enough lube. The problem is, as I start to get into my play time, the toy starts to hurt me, much like… well, what one would imagine putting Icy Hot up there in your girl parts would feel like. Some of the time, I’m so into getting off that I ignore the uncomfortable feeling. Other times, I have to stop.
Either way, after I’m done with play time, I have to wash out my girl parts because the uncomfortableness turns into pain. I have to run water to get all the lube out and the cool water helps. However, even 10 minutes after rinsing out, I’m still in pain. I don’t understand why this is as I know I’m not allergic to silicone (I’ve used other silicone toys before without problem) and I know that I’m okay with the lube (Astroglide). Any ideas on what could be up with this cursed toy? I want to like it so much but it just doesn’t like me.
Are you using silicone based or hybrid lube with it? Also, toys are like toothbrushes, you can’t keep them forever. They degrade over time and can cause issues. I put condoms on all my toys for just that reason. If your toy has any smell then it is not safe. If it is the sweet smell or even the smell of you then it is time to let it rest in peace. It is porous and grows bacteria deep down where you cant scrub, again why using a condom on all your toys helps. It keeps it safer and helps it last longer. Your body is telling you something, throw this thing out!!! Go with glass, stainless, or something else and make sure you NEVER use anything silicone on silicone.
I need some advice. My boyfriend is a great guy, really sweet and we get along well. The issue is: his bedroom skills are not very great, and our sexlife is basically nonexistent at this time. He is willing to listen to instructions, but I find it very awkward and it kills the mood for me to be his instructor for Sex 101. Granted, I am spoiled by having had a few really expert lovers, while he is divorced from a decades-long sexless marriage where both partners where virgins when they married. Help! I really want to keep this relationship going, but my pussy is starving for attention.
Introduce him to JV’s podcast!
Don’t instruct him like it is a remedial class, tell him like a Domme. Instead of, “ok now, here is my clit, I need you to stroke at medium speed while licking my nipple.” Tell him like, “OOoooh baby, you know what I like, lick my nipples, yeah like that. You want me to get hot baby? Now touch my clit, softer, yeah like that. Yeah, you know I like it when you grab my ass, grab it now like a good boy. Mmmmm. yeah like that.” Make it sexy. Or pretend like you are a virgin, do some role play, he is your dirty master. Tell him to make you his slave and tell you what to do. This way he can tell you things he may have been to weary to say before because he didnt know how to ask. Role playing is a good way to make everything safe, just have a safe word he and you can use if things go too far. Something obscure like Edison. Good luck!!!
Considering what you’ve said about his current skill level, I think the best thing to do would be having him start at Episode 1 and make sure you guys do all the homework
I am a straight female and just got into my first kinky relationship (dom/sub). I really love being submissive and am stoked to finally have a partner that is interesting and fun in bed. The other day he said that he wanted to punish me, but that I hadn’t done anything to deserve it. I told him I didn’t understand what he was asking for and he recommended I watch some porn. I surfed kink.com for a bit, but am still pretty clueless. I plan on talking to him again and getting a more specific place to research, but do you guys have any recommendations?
Not sure where to research but from personal experience any little thing will do. If my guy says, go feed the dogs, I can stomp my foot and say no! Uh oh, I have been a bad girl and now I get a punishment. Or during sex he can try to kiss me and I can turn my head, UH OH!! I’m in big trouble, I have been naughty, time for my punishment. You get the picture.
Hi J.V., Shara,
I was interested in what your opinions were on the escort industry, webcam modelling, and other adult jobs? I’ll be honest, I happen to take part in several different positions in the adult industry and have experienced many reactions to the fact.
I happen to be very open sexually and in regards to the adult industry, but I have experienced open repulsion from people when I mention I cam for a living. Family reaction is varied from being okay with it to certain members believing I’ll be killed in my bed some day in the near future.
Do you believe that escorting, webcamming, taking porn videos or photos, and other similar jobs are something to be proud of or something that one shouldn’t talk about in public?
i think i’m into bdsm but i never actually tried it
the problem is that i am not only into consensual bondage, but i also enjoy the thought of fucking a tied up woman against her will.
now i am afraid that if i ever were to actually engage in this kind of activity, i might not be able to control my urges and might do something she really DOESNT enjoy… if you know what i mean..
on the other hand – ive heard about bdsm couples that endulge (is that the word? sorry im not a native speaker and too lazy to look it up right now even though writing this probably takes a hell of a lot more time) in something called “r*pe fantasies”
im not really sure if this isnt considered edge play though
should i really practice bdsm if i am very turned on by the thought of someone getting… you know… ?
what if my dick isnt properly demoted?
Yes, it is edge play and you need to be with someone that is ok with it. You need to teach your dick about a safe word and stop immediately. Your motivation to stop is easy, possible criminal charges. Rape play is awesome, exciting, erotic, etc. I love it personally but some others find it repulsive. Best way to find out is act dumb and see if your partner is into it. Don’t come out and ask, hey can we play out a rape fantasy? Say something like, “Hey I heard about this thing online where people play out rapes or kidnapping during sex. What do you think about that?” Do this with a vague expression and without telling that this is a huge fantasy you want to indulge in. See how she reacts. If it is with complete horror, drop it, if it is with curiosity or acceptance, start the conversation about trying it out.
sometimes my dick gets so hard that it starts to hurt from the erection alone. is that a common phenomenon? or is that bad?
(sorry if this has already been talked about, i just got into this podcast – a friend recommended it to me)
If you are circumcised there could be a skin flap. Go to a urologist, they can snip it and relieve the pain. Very simple procedure. Kind of like the flap under your tongue. It is very common with circumcised men since you are not full sized when it is done. The way it heals can be wrong for your adult size. Some people’s actually snap during rough sex and the amount of blood can be traumatic. Go to the doc.
Does the pain continue after you get off, or is this something that only happens with random hardons you can’t do anything about?
Dear J.V. And Shara,
I recently have started dating a new guy, but because I’ve had a fairly recent breakup and he is relatively inexperienced we have decided to take things slow. As such, I found it a little difficult to broach some of my less vanilla sexual intrests with him,unsure of how he’ll take it. That is, until I re-listened to BDSM basics part 1. You kept repeating that sex is “your fucking bowl of ice cream” and we can put any toppings we wanted on it.
The next time he came over, I had a mini sundae bar ready, and told him each topping represented a sexual act you were interested it. Well, that lead to some really interesting ice cream combos, great laughs, and most importantly, a really great conversation of our interests and soft and hard limits. We have had great open communication so far, but this little game really helped up it a notch or two.
Also, we tried the sensual message you mentioned in one of the listener advice episodes, and let me tell you, it was fantastic! Not only did I learn more about his turn ons than words can say and get the BEST message of my life, but I found I had completely under estimated my new man. He turned the tables on me, and I was the one who ended up putty in HIS hands, not the other way around as I had anticipated.
Altogether, we had a GREAT time, and found out a lot more about each other. Thanks for the wonderful advice and can’t wait for the next episode.
You’ve been out for a really long time. Can you say why?
Plus: this may be just my own kink, but I love to hear you use Shara in some way; spanking, spanking with some kind of dildo or masturbation, caning the ass or the tits, etc. Very very hot. Can we get more of this, since it sounds as though both of you are enjoying it?
Thank you for all you bring to the party. More episodes please.
Working 7 days a week and no energy for anything but sleep and sex. There’s a new episode coming next week, and I’ll be happy to provide more on-air spankings and molestation =D
Thank god! My wife and I started listening just after the last episode was posted and have both listened through every single past episode. This podcast has improved our sex live tremendously! Glad to hear more is in the works!
I am enjoying your show very much kind sir,
So you know most women can’t orgasm from just sex, (dick in pussy.) But I have heard from other shows, podcasts, that you can re-train your pussy to orgasm from sex by using your kegals muscles. By squeezing them around your partners cock while you are having sex. If this is indeed fact I would like to know, cause it would be nice to get off with out having a toy buzzing or a hand rubbing!
I’ve tried both squeezing the penis while inside and improving my kegel muscles. Improving the muscles help, but I’ve found squeezing the cock during sex (at least for me) doesn’t really help. Also, I don’t think you can re-train a pussy to orgasm from vaginal sex since it didn’t orgasm from it in the first place.
JV and Shara,
I have been listening since the beginning but have never gained the courage to comment or speak up until now. I’m a bisexual switch with my long time playmate, who’s a guy. I do find myself attracted to men more than women but I find myself wanting to be with a woman more and more as time goes on. I am trying to open my boyfriend up to the possibilities of an open relationship. I found this girl that I’m really in to and I’d like to expiriment some with her. You’d think my boyfriend would be exctati. About my wanting to be with another woman but he’s being resilient on the matter. So my question for you is this: how do I get my boyfriend to open up to the idea of open relationships? I have tried so many different ways to pursuade him Into letting me see this girl but I think he still considers it cheating for me to have a physical relationship outside of our won. Help!
Keep up the amazing work you do
we all love you guys for it,
Jinxx
Jinxx;
Well I have a couple ideas that could possibily help you out. Things can get complicated when you want to go experience someone else and try for an open relationship. It sounds as if your boyfriend is scared. Normally people don’t think the guy could be scared and would rather be more excited about the prospect of his girlfriend playing with another women. It isn’t always the case. No matter what relationship the most important thing is communication. Sometimes it takes a bit of work to find out what the true reason is for someone feeling a certain way. So there will have to be a lot of talking between you and your boyfriend regarding this situation.
One idea would be for you, him and this other women to go have coffee together. So he can meet her, get to know her and maybe once he does than he will be less nervous about you doing things with her. You all hang out together a few times so he can get comfortable around her.
There may need to be some boundaries set from him so that he feels comfortable. Some expamles that I mean are like you can’t do certain posotions, or you can’t stay overnight with her etc. It all depends on the person.
You and your boyfreind may have to take small steps toward you doing things with this women. It will take time but in the end when he feels safe and alright, and you two are on the same page the waiting and the time will have been worth it. It is good to not push things, just talk a lot with him. Try not to get to fustrated with him because you want to do it now and he isn’t ready.
I hope things work out well for you and him and that you get to have the experience you want. It may take some time but it will be well worth it in the end if you just have patience, communicate a lot and support each other.
Thanks so much Curiouskitty
Hi J.V. I know how you love stats so maybe you could help me with this. I’ve heard a lot of people say the reason I like being a sub is because I was sexually abused as a child. I don’t know if that’s why I like it or not and it doesn’t really matter because I am who I am…but I’m wondering if there is any truth to that. Do you have a stat for the number of people in the lifestyle as subs (or Doms for that matter) who were abused as children or anything that shows a correlation between the two?
Love your podcast and I have listened to every one, usually more than once.
Would love to get to know you and Shara more “intimately”. LOL Ding!
Sometimes I feel the same way on why I’m a sub. My boyfriend, who is very supportive and loves me, has told me that it isn’t true (that I enjoy being a sub because I was sexually abused as a child). I try to listen / believe him instead becuase it sounds much nicer than any stat. It helps me feel more loved to hear that from him than listen to some number.
Hello bathroom wall, hello JV and Shara. I really love your podcast, and as an aside, you’ve broken some of the stereotypes I used to have regarding “people like you.”
So, here’s a dilemma that I haven’t heard yet on your podcast but is plaguing my relationship. I am turned on by the fantasy of my boyfriend having sex with other women. This is all good to a certain extent, but we’re having trouble defining what this limit should be. For me, I would like him to fuck me while watching porn or talking out his fantasies about other women. But he says that if he does that,he’ll want to have sex with other women. And he’s turned on by the idea of doing that, fucking some other woman once or twice alone then bringing her back to our place so we all fuck together. Part of me thinks, well. Ok. Maybe the intensity of that will really really open me up past what I’m already open to, which is a lot. But part of me thinks, even doing this once could sit in my brain, torture me, and lead to a break-up down the line. So is this a boundary I want to test by doing once?
And please, anyone comment. I’m desperate for any examples.
Thanks 1 million.
Hi;
Well I have a few thoughts on this. I am a bisexual women that enjoys having a boyfriend and a girlfriend. We have threesomes and we each have sexual incounters on our own. To get to where we are today took a lot of work that wasn’t easy. My boyfriend never pressured me into anything. He let me go at the speed at which I was most comfortable with because if you push to fast than what you can take, it won’t end well.
We started off with having sex while watching porn and him telling me about his fantasies regarding other women, as I told him mine. This was a very good idea and helped a lot. What I would sometimes do is imagine in my mind my boyfreind having sex with another women alone. I would picture it all and notice how i reacted to things. If it hurt to much for me to imagine him even holding another women intamately then I knew I wasn’t ready yet for that.
You say your boyfriend dosn’t want to tell you his fantasies cause then he will want to do them, doesn’t sound right. To me it sounds like he won’t take the steps you need to feel comfortable because he just wants it now. It comes down to communicaiton and give and take. He should try to tell you his fantasies so that you can know what he wants and you can see how you feel. I don’t think it is a great idea to just jump on doing anything right away without you feeling safe and okay with it. When the time comes to doing it, it wn’t be easy but if you feel secure, and safe it will help.
Don’t push yourself to fast just because he wants something now. Do it at your own pace and he should try and support you. Because even if it takes some time in the end it will be worth it because you two did it together.
Hi J.V and Shara! I love your podcast and find myself anxiously awaiting the next one to come out
I have a dilema. I’ve been with a great guy for 5 months and we hit it off in every single way. The sex is amazing and I find myself trusting him and doing things with him that I have never done with previous partners. The one down fall….he can’t orgasm. I have a feeling it’s because he was single for a long time before he met me and might have gotten used to pleasuring himself….if that’s possible. I also think he might beable to have an orgasm if we do anal. (we are working on this as I have never done it before and he really seems to be into it). He will make sure I orgasm multiple times, he’s very giving but I end up feeling guilty about it because I feel like I can’t give him what he needs in return. I would love to have him finally let loose, but I just don’t know how to get that to happen. Any ideas how I can approach this subject without him feeling immasculated or put on the spot? I would screw his brains out in public if that’s what it took for his to orgasm!!
Any help you could provide would be awesome.
Thanks!
Leigh,
First You are NOT a failure because he doesn’t cum.
IT is NOT your responsibility to MAKE him cum. Each of us has a responsibility for our own pleasure.
sometimes it is less work to “just do it yourself” but seldom is self pleasure a preventer of assisted orgasms.
Communication is the key ingredient. From re reading your note it seems you have not really asked him about the lack of orgasms. A safe approach may be to say something like: I really love all the orgasms you help me enjoy. I’d like to drive you just as crazy with orgasms what works for you.
Some times delayed orgasms are organic and a Urology consult may be needed. Some medications will delay or prevent orgasms.A visit to a health provider may help sort out the reasons.
I hope this is helpful
Hi J.V. And Shara,
First I want to say is I love your podcast (I am a new listener as I only found it a month ago, but have already listened to ALL EPISODES). You have some great advice and tips! I have been with my husband for 9 years now and married for just over 2. We love each other and have a good sex life. I can’t say it’s great because there can definitely be some improvements but it’s good. We use toys, modest restraints and porn quite regularly which is great… My question is: I am realizing that I like being dominated (tied up, slight pain play (my nipples flicked and pinched, spanked) and I have told my husband on more than one occasion that I love when he ties me up and makes me do things when I really have no control. He knows I like it because I moan and get really wet when he does… How do I get him to do this more often without having to ask for it?
last year I met the “dom of my life”and moved to his country to be with him. We have had sex once or more times a day since I moved here, and it’s great. Recently I have learned to have internal orgasms, which have blown open my mind and body.
But I am tall and thin, and he is a bit (not much) shorter and has basically never exercised in his life. He likes to lay back and have his dick sucked, which I love doing, but after the millionth time I am really craving other positions where I’m not over him like a spider while he lays back in his lazy position. We vary sometimes, but this is the staple. Sometimes it annoys me and pulls me back from being turned on. I try to explain this to him, but I think as my dom he doesn’t really feel like he needs to change it up.
Also, he doesn’t try to make me come every time we have sex. I don’t take all that long to come, and now that I’ve had a couple of internal orgasms I guess I would expect he would want me to come every time.
AND on top of that all, I’d really like him to be more aggressive and demanding of me.
So, I guess this is all leading up to my question: how can I get him excited to discuss these things and make some changes? Sometimes when I try I feel like I’m stuck in that traditional role of “woman trying to get her man to communicate,” which sucks. I’ve introduced him to your podcast but he hasn’t given it a real listen. If there are any episodes that talk about this I would love to be pointed in the right direction. Any advice appreciated.
Hi JV and Shara
I posted this back in February
“do you like cream-pies and are you going to touch on this subject on your brilliant show?”
I was just wondering when you will be covering this as its very popular on line and it must be something that you come face to face with (so to speak)in a MMF fuck session.
ps i was only the second person to post on your confessions Bord.
Love the show and keep ringing the bell!
so my partner & i have had sex numerous times and they’ve been great. The issue is that I can’t seem 2 orgasm, he does everything right to me and it all feels amazing but it’s like ill get right to the edge and then just stop. I sometimes get off but don’t really. Sometimes it feels amazing and i feel like im about 2 explode but then i feel like im about 2 pee and tell him to stop. Ive heard this is just sign of about to orgasm but then i run to the bathroom and its like a waterfall. Is there something wrong with me or what? i really need help to figuring out whats wrong or telling him what he needs to do.
How much trust is too much?
I ask because I just ended a long term relationship because of trust issues. It was a May/December relationship, and I had known the man five years before entering the relationship. We really clicked and I gave him my complete trust, never really questioning things like his odd work schedule.
We broke up because he had lied to me about having an account on a social website. It turns out he had been hitting on women on the website. What pushed me over the edge wasn’t the fact that he had the website, or even that he was soliciting women on it. I just couldn’t believe that he had the audacity to LIE in my face about it, then show me all his activities and say “its nothing to worry about. None of these women has written me back.” This man has repeatedly given me a hard time for so much as blinking in another man’s direction. I used to think that it was his insecurities from being with a younger woman. Now I know that he was projecting his fears and shame of cheating on me.
This is not the first time a partner has abused the trust I gave them, but for it to happen with a man I’ve known for almost a decade has really shaken me.
Clearly, my own methods of gauging a lover (which really just boils down to talking to them extensively, now that I think about it) are not working. How much trust should you give a new lover?
Should you call it quits the first time that trust is weakened?
Despite recognizing him as an unrepentant man-child, I wanted to preserve the friendship. I hung out with him at his house and found myself looking through his things when he left me alone. I have never done this in any relationship before and finally realize I can’t even hang out with him anymore because the trust I gave him has been abused beyond repair.
This is my first time listening to your podcast and I would have to say that I personally enjoy them. Even my sisters have enjoyed them after they found them on my Ipod…it all ended up with some very open and interesting conversations that most of my friends, and even my sisters did not know I talked about so openly because they always thought of me as the baby sister that would always be to young to know about sex. Sad to say around where I live its hard to find anyone that is really open about anything sexual because we live in the bible belt and any talk is looked down at.
Well, you’re one person who just managed to help get a bunch of people talking openly, and that’s the only way it gets done
JV,
After listening to your podcasts I would say that you are a man who LOVES women, not just certain parts, the whole package. That’s why you seem like a good person to turn to with this problem. I have two sons (young teens) who have discovered porn on the internet. It is against the rules for them to view this at home, but I am realistic and know they will search for it and find it elsewhere.
Beyond it being illegal for them to view porn, I am struggling to explain to them why it is OK for adults and not for young teens. I have said that it reduces women to body parts, which might then be the way they approach women when they do become sexually active. I would apprecaite any thoughts you would have on this subject. As you have said on your podcast, they are getting lots of stimulation, but no real information. They know about insert tab A into slot B, it’s the rest that is hard to explain to a young man.
Thanks!
For my second experience with Duo-Tone balls, I wore them for seven hours at work. I still didn’t orgasm, but it was nice to feel them rolling around. Kept my mood up a bit on an especially busy day. When I finally pulled them out, my pussy felt so tight and tingly, that I had an extra pep in my step for hours. They don’t do it for me sexually, but it was a nice experience.
Faye – Did the DuoTones ‘light your fire’ at all? A couple years ago I bought SmartBalls (FunFactory) for my wife. She inserted them during dinner (out), and left them in until we got home. We had previously decided that we would that night put to work the reading she’d done on female ejaculation. I firmly believe the SmartBalls primed her so that our first experiments were VERY successful.
Even if you don’t want to ejaculate, perhaps the DuoTones could lead to GSpot orgasms?
Have only just found the podcast and I love it! So far I have listened to the first dozen episodes and I’m hooked. Thank so much for sharing and giving us great information. I love to laugh and have been doing plenty of it while listening to your show. Have posted a review on Itunes as requested, hope it helps
I don’t know if this is the best place to post this, but it is, I think, quite on topic, so, here I go. But first a little back story.
My father had a psychopathic vision of sex and relationships. With this I mean, he was emotionally uninvolved with his partners, he was egotistical, deceptive, he lacked empathy, and honestly, I saw him show more remorse for getting in a small fender bender in my first car, than when he got pregnant his twenty year-old sister in law (not my mom’s sister, though!). During his lifetime he went through five wives, a similar number of “long term relations” (read, they lasted more than a year), a surprising number of regular booty calls, some of them barely legal, and barely older than me. I may consider myself sex-positive, but I for sure do not condone the unethical way he behaved.
ON THE OTHER HAND! I received the best at home sex education of anyone I know… with maybe just one single exception (but that girl’s mom was a very sex positive sex educator anyway!). My dad started having sex talks with me when I was about 12 years old. Even with my mom breathing on his neck (back then my mom was VERY conservative), he manage to get some interesting conversations at least twice a year, with me. And when at 16 I moved in with him, I got the full time course. Filtering his ethics out, his sexual advise he gave me, quite explicit, was wonderful. Through porn stills, he showed me how to find the clit (yep JV, he did! I am that weird case). And I think the first time I gave head to a girl, I did a great job for a novice. And the best generic advice my dad ever gave me: “There is no creature more grateful in this world than a sexually satisfied woman.” I’ve found the advice to be quite true.
Now, ending the back story, the problem I have is this: My dad passed away over five years ago. With his last wife he got two children, 17 and 18 years older than me. I am flying home for an extended visit in December. I haven’t seen them in over two years. The older will be 14 in December, and the younger will be 13 in February. Their mother never remarried, they don’t have uncles on their mother side, and on my dad’s side, there are two uncles, neither of which I feel are good at talking about sex without being obnoxious… mostly trying to play it cool. To make matter worse, although their mother is over all a good hearted woman, she is conservative, very poorly educated (She dropped out of high school in 9th grade… and my dad was an Engineer from Berkeley! Never understood his choices either), so, I am fairly sure her sex talks are on the sexual dark age style.
SO, I have been thinking that I am probably the designated lecturer for the birds and the bees talk. But I am not a parent myself. I am a university professor, and not in sexuality. The last time I talk about sex with someone under 21, I think I was under 21 myself. HELP!
If any parents out there have any resources about how to approach the topic, it would be appreciated. Take into consideration that although they are my brothers, I have lived over fifteen hundred miles away for almost nine years, and my visits are scarce. So, I have to also break the ice a bit.
Thanks for any help.
I wasn’t sure where to post this, but here it goes.
My husband is a military man, and as one, he spends a lot of time walking around in the same dirty, sweaty clothes for days, if not weeks, at at time. Recently, he came home with a raw spot on his foreskin from a considerable lack of showering and changes of underwear. He says he pulled the skin off when he pulled his foreskin back to urinate. It’s all healed up now, but it still gets a bit sore during sex. We have only tried five or so times in the weeks that he’s been back so that he can heal up. Is this a serious problem and is it likely to happen again? How common is this sort of thing? He’s pretty worried about it, although he won’t admit it to a doctor. When he’s out in the field, is there anything he can do to prevent this from happening?
Thanks so much for considering my question.
first off I’m a new listener of the show and enjoy it . I have listen to most of your podcast . And have had my sone to be wife listen also . we have currently been having a debate on weather she should swallow or not . we have great sex and this is not a deal breaker by no means . but she says she will swallow when i let her stick her finger in my ass. this is not something I feel that I would enjoy but she is standing firm on not swallowing tell I agree. we are open about our sex and both want to please the other . she has no problem giving me a blowjob and I love eating at the y . and do so daliy . but should I agree to these terms or is this just an excuse she is using ?
First of all, thanks for a great show! I’ve enjoyed it quite a bit while at my boring desk job. If only my co-workers knew that I was listening to you two talking about blowjobs, kinky sex, masturbation…
But I want to just throw something out to you. (And it’s a can of worms!) When I listen, I get excited about the possibility of getting my wife into some of the more kinky scenarios that you talk about, but then I remember that she and I were both brought up in very strict religious homes, and that I don’t dare bring up the subject of threesomes, spanking, anal… Fortunately my parents were more open about love & sex, but her parents had more of a “don’t take that thing out except to pee or to pop out a baby” attitude (and never really told her about how the baby gets there in the first place). She even had to share a queen sized bed with her older sister until she got married! So… no walking around naked, masturbation or exploring at all, ever. Since then, and after a lot of talking and gentle prodding by me, she’s sort of adopted a middle of the road attitude about sex. She likes what we do in bed, but no matter how much that I make her moan and squirm around the bed tonight, tomorrow she’ll be back into that “eh… take it or leave it” mode. I also have to mention that she’s been bipolar for over 20 years (we’ve been married for 27) and the meds have DEFINITELY had an effect on her moods and her sex drive.
She’ll pretty much let me do whatever I want as far as going to (and occasionally taking her to) strip clubs, she’ll let me tie her up and blindfold her, and I’ve been able to stick a small (well lubed) dildo in her ass a few times recently , but getting her to ADMIT that she likes it an hour later, much less to ASK for things like that the next day is another story. So, on one hand I’m tickled that I have made some progress on her overall view of sexuality, but not enough to make her ask for what she wants, or even to know what she wants when we’re alone. We don’t have kids, so even that isn’t an excuse, but sometimes when I bring up something new, or suggest that she masturbate, you’d think that I was trying to get her to take up rugby or to learn how to play the guitar. Near zero interest from her end! Forget about role playing or getting her to tie me up, or anything like that. I’ve tried getting her to watch porn with me and without me, but the “that’s something that people should share just with each other, not the internet” comes to the surface. I’ve suggested that she listen to a few of the podcasts, but it’s the “rugby” thing all over again. Another part of the problem, and it has truly bothered me since we met a LONG time ago, is that I have never been able to make her have an orgasm (and she says that she has never known “for sure” if she’s had one on the extremely rare occasions that she used to masturbate). Why has the big “O” never happened? Who knows!?!? Her parents attitude, sharing the bed with the sister and never being able to explore herself, being brought up in the pre-internet days with no access to sexual information, her meds, and whatever else she may be carrying around… I’ve tried all kinds of tongue play, fingers, vibrators… Plenty of oohs & aahs, but no orgasm.
So, to sum up… She’ll go pretty much wherever I want as long as I’m driving and she doesn’t have to ask for it or talk about it later, and no orgasms, ever. And no real interest in learning how to experience one.
What’s a 50 year old guy who truly does love his wife do?
J.V. and Shara,
First, thanks a whole lot for the podcast. In the month since I discovered it, it’s been a good excuse to increase the amount of sex my wife and I have been having. Quality has never been an issue, but we were down to two or three times a month, and now we are up to two or three times on weeknights, and at least one day of semi-marathon on the weekends (labor day weekend we didn’t wear cloth for sixty consecutive hours…AWESOME!).
Now, I stumbled with two problems while following your advise (neither of which is your advise’s fault, but small obstacles in my way).
First, very diligently, when I had an excuse to go out and buy some sex toys, I did. Good homework. Years ago I had bought a bunch of penetrative toys for my wife, but she didn’t particularly like them. This time I went for non-penetrative vibrating toys. Among them, a cordless hitachi magic wand imitation. This thing is great, and makes my wife come within seconds.
The problem is that she says she feels guilty that she comes so fast. As she is fully multi orgasmic, I don’t understand the problem. I mean, I am the one who is not suppose to come too quickly, but I would be completely OK if she orgasms every ten seconds during the entire encounter. I’ve asked her if it is because it is too strong, and she says it is not, but when I use it on her, she really looks like she feels guilty. I don’t mind not using the toy (though I like that power of making her come in less than fifteen seconds), but I can’t stand the thought of my wife feeling guilty because she is enjoy her self “too much”. Any advise
The second problem is: In general my wife is a champion cock sucker. We’ve been fucking together for twelve years, married for nine, and through that time, she’s mastered her skills. BUT, a couple of weeks ago, she was off her game, and gave me a terrible blow job, so bad, she noticed without me telling her a word. Seriously, I was surprised. I thought I was back in high school, receiving a blow job from a sixteen year old gal who probably had never seen an erect penis outside porn.
My wife knows me too well for me to lie to her. I’ve told her several times since, that she knows how much I enjoy her blow jobs, and that one night out of her game in years of practice is not a problem… but I haven’t gotten a blow job since. Any advise here?
Thanks!
Jim,
I am going to touch on the second part of your message….
I think you need to shift focus a bit here…you are justifiably disappointed in the loss of really great head, who wouldn’t be.
Lets look from her perspective for a minute (I’m doing a Shara here for a minute). What changed from your wife’s perspective. A loving partner does not make drastic behavioral changes without some life event occurring somewhere/when.
This is not a confidence in her ability and no amount of reassurance will fix “A bad day” because it is more than a bad blow job day going on with her.
Does she have a physical problem that cropped up? Jaw problem, neck problem, a throat infection? Does she lumps or bleeding or any myriad of maladies great and small that cause anguish and distraction. Did one of you step out or provide the perception of stepping out.
Did something with you change i.e. cleanliness, level of aggression or demand. Are their new stresses in your marriage? Is she pregnant and nothing tastes good.
Did she find out something about you or herself that she hasn’t shared that takes joy out of life suddenly.
I have discovered no matter how well I “KNOW” someone it does not mean they cannot withhold the true issue or outright lie if the stakes are high enough.
You need to have a nice relaxing way to have a talk that covers life events not just bedroom events.
This issue is not as simple as a bad day
Good Luck
KAP
Hey,
I understand your point. Through twelve years of trial and error, I think my wife and I do have a very good communication. I would be surprised if she has withholded anything from me, but it is not impossible.
In any case, the head is slowly returning. Seriously, I have not really asked for head in at least six years. She either asks me if I want some, recognize my I-want-my-dick-sucked eyes, or plainly surprises me with it. Two days ago, though, for the first time in about a month or so, we had an impromptu in the couch, suddenly she jumped up, away from me, and then went down for a couple of minutes, coming back up to finish me up with her pussy. As tactfully as I considered appropriate (that means, without making too much of a fuss about it) I told her I really liked the detail and I’m glad head is coming back.
Dear J.V.
I’m a new listener (on episode 16) and since the first time i heard your podcast I’ve thought everything both you and Shara have said has been nothing short of inspirational. It made me feel more confident about not only my sexuality but also talking about it. So now i have a couple of questions i’d like to direct at both you and Shara. I want to first point out that i have a very high sex drive. Since 10 my mornings have always started out a quick session of “hide the knuckle” and now that I’m a 23 year old married women not much has changed. My only problem is my 25 year old husband doesn’t seem to have the same sex drive he use to, and at two months of marriage its a hell of a time to find out. We use to fuck every single day sometimes twice a day. Then we got married and during the honeymoon it turned to twice sometimes three times a day, but when we came home it’s all changed. Now I’m lucky if I get it every other day, so I tried talking about it with him, and he replied with “I’m sorry baby, but my balls have nothing left”, so i end up going to bed upset and horny. I feel like somewhere along the line are rolls got switched. My next question will have to wait, to after i listen to the B.D.S.M. part 1 episode, i don’t want to ask a question that you might have already answered.
Well I am an young Indian guy with a few experiences. I am struggling with the question whether I am a bi.I am definitely not gay as I luv women . I havent had too much experience but I just luv pleasuring a woman and making her cum. However I have had a few experiences with Guys too. But in all my experiences I have been pleasured by a guy.When I look back I realize I am not interested in giving another guy any pleasure but luv it when a guy rims me, fingers me and blows me.I have probably had my best blowjob from a guy rather a woman. With guys I have fantasies of being submissive , of being fondled and made to cum. But I dont feel like even touching another guys dick and dont particularly find men attractive.Does this make me bi? I dont know if it is submissive fantasy that makes me willing to play with a guy or if I have genuine attraction towards men.
Thank you for answering your question. I might email you with a followup on your email. Appreciate your response
Hey JV, Shara and the rest of this great community. I have two questions. I should also add that I’m 15.
1: I recently got into a relationship again and I was wondering if you have any suggestions on how to be a great boyfriend. I’m sure I have the basics down but any tips and the like would be MUCH appreciated. Thanks.
2. It’s a bit of a long distance relationship (1hr away) and I was also wondering if you had any suggestions about that. I did a bit of looking online but everything mostly assumes you are in at least partial control of where you live an bases a lot of things around that fact but I am not.
So really any information about these two subjects would be great. Thanks.
I’ll admit that my relationship experience isn’t necessarily the best example, but I have been in a long distance relationship before, and I can tell you what worked and didn’t work for me.
1. Don’t try to control your partner. Telling them what they can and cannot do from miles away is not only irritating, it shows your own insecurity. Instead, be open to the fact that they WILL have experiences without you. They will learn things about themselves and maybe change through these experiences. The best thing you can do it be supportive of their experiences and lend an ear when they want to talk about them.
2. Do NOT call at crazy hours,or assume the worse if your partner does not get back to you immediately. Just because your partner didn’t pick up the phone on the first ring, or weren’t available doesn’t mean they are out doing unmentionable things. Also, calling at crazy hours (like 3am) shows a general lack of respect for them. People have to sleep, study, or even spend time out with friends once and a while. This action shows insecurity in the relationship and a lack of trust.
3. People make mistakes. I say this because you are young. Young people do things that are not smart sometimes. If you or your partner do something that you feel violates the parameters of your relationship, do not make a rash decision. Gage how the act makes you feel, look at the act from a logical standpoint, and speak openly with your partner. If its something you and your partner feel you can overcome, then take steps to rectify the issue and reforge the bond between you. If not, do not judge or blame your partner or yourself too harshly. You are both young after all.
5. Find new and interesting ways to keep in contact. Sometimes a hand written letter or singing anything (my mom use to compose ALL of her messages into songs) on your partner’s voice mail is a small way to let them know you are thinking of them.
4. Masturbate. If you are in a mutually monogamous relationship, waiting for a lover to return can he difficult sometimes. Gear up for the long haul. Get toys if you can, or if you and your partner are up for it, try a little cyber sex or erotica writing to keep the fire burning between you. I usually wouldn’t say this to a minor I didn’t know, but since you are on this site, I figure its ok.
5. OPEN COMMUNICATION! As J.V. often says, open and honest communication key to any relationship. I understand that you are young and may not be expecting anything long lasting. However, an incredible amount of trust is necessary for a relationship of any sort to work, and without trust and communication, you might as well just let this relationship go.
That’s all I can think of for now. Take my suggestions with a grain of salt, and I wish you and your partner luck!
J.V. and Shara,
I currently consider myself a bi-curious woman. I have always been interested in being with another woman, both romantically as well as sexually, but have never had the chance. However, when ever I watch porn, I find I’m not attracted to any lesbian sex. I find the women themselves to be beautiful, but I just can’t get off on the sex itself. In fact, I’m most turned on by gay porn, especially in a dom/sub setting, which has nothing to do with women.
My question is, can a woman still be bi-curious without liking lesbian sex, or is this a sign I’m probably straight?
-Pepper
Hey Pepper,
You and I sound a lot alike. I share many of your fantasies you shared on the bathroom wall. Also, can closely relate to this post.
Wishing you fantasies cum true! LOL
Smooch
ooops, I meant the fantasies you shared on the confessional…
Hi Pepper,
I am a bisexual women and I don’t find lesbian pron a turn on. I find Man/Women or Threesome videos more of a turn on. I don’t think that you not enjoying lesbian porn makes you for sure straight.
Hello JV and Shara,
I just wanted to give you some feedback on your erotic writing.
Basically, YOU’RE AWESOME! I am really looking forward to “Lady of the Drake” – I can’t wait to get my hands on it. I am pretty much 99% of the time a non-fiction reader so the fact that I am looking forward to reading your novel is a big compliment. I have really enjoyed having you read me part of the story on your podcast.
Keep up the great work, can’t think of an helpful criticsim to give you. I sincerely feel you are a great, creative, hot and juicy writer. **Ps Shara is a very lucky woman!
Take care of you,
Smooch
Thanks Smooch, I’m working on some new stuff that should really light you fire
Just bumped into Shara on Facebook and discovered your podcast and looking forward to listening……
Hi!
I discovered your podcast last night and listened to the first eight episodes today (it was the one thing keeping me sane at my dull, repetitive job today. No worries – not that you would have any – I used headphones). I am really enjoying it and have found it to be very educational. I clearly have a lot of homework to catch up on and I look forward to hearing more of what you have to say.
As I mentioned, I just started listening, so if you have covered this already, I am sure I will hear it soon, but if you haven’t covered giving blow jobs yet, would you please? It would also be great to hear from Shara on this too, since she enjoys giving them so much. I am a straight woman and I love to receive oral sex, but I don’t enjoy giving it so much. I think this may be due to the fact that I am not exactly sure what I am doing. Also, I have never done it for very long because I have not gotten around the mental block of being grossed out at the thought of a man coming in my mouth. I know this iss hardly a fair thought to have, given that I want my man to like me when all of my juices are flowing, so do you have some advice on how to work past this? Unfortunately I am between partners right now, zo it may be a while before I can properly practice.
Thanks for putting up the podcast,
LW
*lick me – sorry about the typo
Hi J.V.! Love your podcast! It’s been an awesome experience working my way out of the dark age!
Just listened to the newest Audio Erotica episode. Really enjoyed the material, but you might consider using Shara for the female voice. Please take this as a compliment, but your high-pitched lady voice is a little creepy.
Keep up the good work!
Well you found my blog post (“Sex-ploration”)! I was very excited to see the email that said I had a comment waiting and from you.
Yes, thank you (and Shara and everyone helping you dole out the wisdom) again! I am still catching up on episodes, but I’ve been downing at least three or four a day so it shouldn’t be long now (still listening in on the low 20′s).
Since I am working on opening up sexual communication with my guy I have brought up the podcast to him and will be playing him some episodes on our road trip north to visit my family. And I think he was pleased when I told him I wanted to include more blow jobs in our play time. I wanted to say, another great way to top off a blow job, if you’re squeamish about swallowing and have the right cup size, is a good titty fuck. If you’ve done your part correctly it should not take long AT all! We’re no strangers to the titty fuck, and it has come in handy on those troublesome nights during Aunt Flo time when a shower is not an option, or we’re just too damn tired to grab towels.
I am really enjoying opening up about experiences and I have shared the podcast with a close girlfriend of mine too! It feels really good to talk about so-called “dirty things” because it is actually so right.
Cheers!
t.
Hi Guys, awesome podcast. I love the way you and Shara spark off each other in conversation, it’s very sexy. And LOVE the bell!
I have a little bit of a rant I need to get off my chest. Recently I’ve decided to get over my shame at wanting to look at some porn (not something nice girls do, or so I was brought up to believe). Although it’s been fun, I’m getting kinda generally disillusioned by my findings. Basically, I want to look at some really sexy and sensual cunnilingus. Actually, more than some, A LOT. And I’m not talking about girl on girl, I want to see a man enthusiastically licking his beautiful woman’s pussy, and not stopping until she’s had at least one REAL orgasm.
So far, I’m finding a whole lot of cumshots, fellatio, girl on girl, up the arse, etc etc, but not a whole lot of good pussy licking. There will be maybe 1.5 minutes of the guy giving some lacklustre oral to the girl, followed by 10 minutes of her sucking on his cock ending up with a mouthful of jizz. Don’t get me wrong, I love blowing my man and do it with pleasure often, it just seems really unfair that a lot of porn seems to glorify sucking cocks without showing much (men) eating pussy in return.
I checked out the kink.com site (I have explored some BDSM in the past and am interested in learning more), but again it seemed the balance was greatly in favour of male dominants. It seems really unfair! Talk about the sexual dark age. I’m starting to think that porn is maybe not for me.
Your findings are a symptom of the fact that, historically, most porn is made by and for guys. That’s changing in a few sectors, and I’m hoping to get a feminist porn producer on the show for an interview some time soon. For now, if you start your search by googling “feminist porn” you’re more likely to find something that’s produced for women and more likely to work for you. I’ll see what I can dig up for links and talk about this on the show some time soon.
On a side note, I’d imagine that really enthusiastic pussy licking is pretty difficult to film…a lot of my best moves happen inside or (necessarily) hidden by my mouth
Amen. You and me both.
Porn is what it is, mostly thanks to the idea that men are supposed to be sex fiends and women are supposed to be so easy to seduce. This frustrated me for a long time, until I started doing some serious searching.
pornhub.com has a ‘female friendly’ section that has more of this sort of thing. If you don’t mind perusing, try longporntube.com. They have tons of categories and they usually have pretty decent stuff when you search by ‘most popular’ videos. I’m sure everyone here could recommend something, but at the end of the day, it takes some serious searching.
I recalled that you said to talk about bad sex advice you were given. I give you two different stories:
My father likes to buy licence plates over the internet and mom and I sometimes buy books over Amazon. My dad would keep “accidently” opening our packages, claiming he mistook them for a new piece for his collection. The incident that drilled it through his thick skull to look at the mailing address before opening a package was the time I bought a book of erotic art.( Just naked men and women, no fucking in these pictures). My father just handed me the book, glaring at me. My mother told me he ranted and raved about the book. But lesson learned: whenever I bought a book online, and I warned him of it, he never opened my stuff again. I should mention that I was an adult when this happened.
Meanwhile, my father’s mother, my Grandma Grace, lived to be in her nineties. As a teenager, I used to visit her at her condo in Miami Beach over the summer and school breaks. I actually liked going there, except for the fact that grandma was a difficult person to be around and clueless about what modern teens were like. I made the mistake of asking her about how to attract boys and she advised me to pretend to like the same things the boy I was interested in to catch him. She was talking about pretending to like sports, but I have not doubt in my mind she meant in other things as well. This was from the mother of the man who, when I was taking sex ed classes in elementary school, simply told me not to have sex at all. Ever.
Ah, life in the Sexual Dark Age….
Not there was a chance of losing my virginity all through my middle and high school years, as I wasn’t allowed to date and I didn’t really like the boys there anyway. I was twenty-one when I popped my cherry. It was with a guy I met over the Net. That was eight or nine years ago.
Just found your podcast today. It’s very refreshing to have someone speak so frankly about sex. I completely agree with what you said on the religion episode, btw.
I’m up to episode 10 about blowjobs. I have to take strong issue with what you said about women who refuse to go down on a guy as being lousy fucks. Statistically, 1 in 3 women have been sexually abused by the time they are 18. This definitely impacts the ability to enjoy sex. I personally am a sexual/physical/emotional abuse survivor. The abuse started when I was very young and lasted the better part of 18 years. To say that it took its toll would be an understatement. I have been in intensive therapy for 5 years with the diagnosis of PTSD and DID. As it relates to episode 10, I woke up one night about 2 years ago to vomit on my pillow from having had a flashback during sleep of being forced to suck my father. I actually physically gagged during the flashback. Sex, in general, but especially giving head, has always been terribly difficult and often accompanied by intrusive thoughts/feelings. As a result, it didn’t happen very much.
It has been a hellish process to go through recovery and literally have to rewire my neural connections. I am fortunate to have a man who has stuck by me for almost 24 years now. He has never pressured me to do anything I was uncomfortable with, although sex was a huge issue for me and often ended with me crying.
At this point, with the help of an excellent therapist, a very loving husband and a lot of hard work on my part, I have learned to listen to my body. Both my husband and I agree that our sex life is the best it has ever been. And it’s getting better all the time. I rarely flashback during sex and it hardly ever ends in tears anymore.
Of course, my situation is on the extreme end of things, but I just wanted you to be aware that for some women who have been molested/raped/abused, it is profoundly difficult to do oral sex on a man no matter how much the woman wants to. The last thing a woman in that situation needs to hear is that they are a lousy fuck.
To any women or men from situations similar to mine and for whom sex is still frought with anxiety and fear, I offer hope that things can be different. I’m proof that abuse does not have to destroy your life and that you can, very slowly, with help, courage and perseverance, get to a place in life where sex is enjoyable — the way it was meant to be.
I “warned” my husband over the years (jokingly) that he didn’t know what he was getting himself into as I went through therapy…that I might just be sexually insatiable and totally adventurous after going through the therapy process. Turns out to be true…with no complaints from him. I could never in a million years have thought 10 years ago that sex would be something I look forward to.
Thanks for doing the podcast. I really appreciate it.
Hello DW
Thank you for sharing your story. I am an abuse/molested/rape survivor. I never got therapy for it, but am now on my own getting help.
I was not in a situation as severe as yours but after reading what you’ve been through and how you have become stronger and had great support has given me hope. Hope that I can get through this, with someone who loves me as support instead of fearing they will leave me and not letting all the stuff from my past effect what I have now.
Thank you
So I have a not-so-average question about ED. The wifey and I are swingers, and a couple of weeks ago, I encountered a bit of a snafu. I don’t know if I’d call it a problem, but I’ve noticed that I have a bit too much fun when I’m exploring a new girl. It is actually more fun-ness (not a word, I know) than hotness, and thus I’m not actually getting hard while I’m doing all of the touching and licking and other fun exploratory antics.
Typically, I can get a condom on, and get hard enough to enter a pussy, but this time, I wasn’t able to. There are some mitigating factors; it was very dim in the room, and I used the ‘house’ condom instead of my own. Oh, and there was a fish tank built flush into the bottom half of the wall we were facing.
So I see three possible problems. A: I’m having too much fun. B: I’m misplacing my theory of fun, and just have condom problems and need to diversify my condom training, or C: Bad lighting and an audience of novelty fish may not be my ideal environment.
What do you guys think?
I’m going to run this past our medical adviser and talk about it on a future listener mail, but I’ve got a quick suggestion that might help. First, to address your ABC points…
A: Does not compute.
B: Way more likely, and plenty of guys need condom training.
C: Distractions are what they are, and they can fuck with us in unpredictable ways. Maybe not the cause, probably didn’t help.
You’re not the first guy to have LDS issues exclusively with condoms. This is a psychological issue, and the whys and wherefores could be debated at length. One easy shortcut that almost always works is to have your playmate put the condom on. If you’re there in the first place, presumably she can get you hard.
If she gets you hard then wraps her thumb and forefinger around the base of your shaft and squeezes tight enough for you to notice but not enough to hurt, her fingers are acting like a temporary cock ring. Blood won’t be able to flow back out, and she can put the condom on in two seconds with her other hand. Then you get inside and get to work before your brain catches up.
You could try doing this yourself as well, but frankly it will be more fun for both of you if she does =D
Just discovered your pod cast, LOVE it!! I’ve recommended it to all my kinky friends and to a few of my not so kinky ones. Keep up the excellent work.
Thanks Kimbergirl, and make sure to drop us a line if you’ve got any questions.
After listening to your podcast on BDSM I decided I would download the rest of your podcasts and have been going through them over the summer. First off: thank you so much to both JV and Shara for doing this show. I’ve recommended it to some friends who have benefited from it probably as much as I have. Second of all: it inspired me to become more proactive in my campus’s sexual education.
I’m a college student and started becoming more educationally active starting with a panel of ‘out’ BDSM kinksters that volunteered from my munch to speak with the Human Sexuality class (very popular on my campus). Ever since I’ve been in contact and talking with that professor, even borrowing some of the books and documentaries from his collection.
This year he’s offered to make me a research assistant and I have the option to teach classes to his Human Sexuality class, with his approval. My first lecture in mid spring will be on BDSM (a subject near and dear to my heart) and I wanted to send a huge thanks out to both of you for how much you educate others and inspire them to break down the walls of shame, and communicate with those around them.
The thanks to you guys is mostly because you helped put the idea in my head that if I’m in a position to educate…why shouldn’t I? and your podcast on BDSM was a muse for helping me arrange the key points in my lecture.
THANK YOU JV AND SHARA
That’s amazing evellyn, I’m honored we could inspire you like that. Let us know of there’s anything we can do to help you along, and if you end up wanting to use any audio from the show I’ll be happy to give you official consent if your professor wants to see it. Sex-positive educators are a rare breed and we’ve got to give our own a helping hand whenever we can
Thanks for the reply to my previous post. Had to re-listen to the podcasts and you were right, very helpful
I do have another question though, maybe more for Shara then you; not sure. Basically I’m wondering what it’s like in your bed during “that time of the month”. Do you avoid sex then? Do you just do anal or oral? Do you not care and just go for it regardless? And if so, not to be gross, how do you deal with the “mess”?
Again, thanks for all of your feedback.
That’s what was nice about the fact that JV bought dark colored towels
….he wasn’t going to let something like that get in the way of what we wanted. But, some people can minimize how many days the “mess” lasts if you take birth control. It tends to shorten those days a great deal!
Shara
I’ll be answering this on Episode 35
Hi. I was re-listening to the podcast about shame and how religion plays a role. That got me thinking: what is your opinion of the ex-gay movement? I suspect many religious homophobes are secretly afraid of homosexuals, and the whole idea got started because the Jesus freaks think that if sexuality can be so easily changed, then they don’t have to accomodate the gays with things like same-sex marriage. I’ve also noticed they seem to attract a lot of self-hating homosexuals. Any thoughts?
Many, many thoughts…I’ll cover this on the next Advice Line show
One more thing: I came across this book called The Wandering Womb: A Cutural History of Outrageous Beliefs About Women. It pretty much goes into why we’re in a sexual dark age regarding a woman’s sexuality. You might like it.
Thanks, I’ll try to check it out
First, so glad i stumbled onto your podcast. You are just awesome and your voice is hot
With that aside; you can see by the name I chose you can see, I don’t know what I want. I am a very opinionated female, mother and wife. You would think with being opinionated and somewho typically knows what she wants, how she wants it and usually gets it; that the same concept would apply in the bedroom.
My problem, in a nutshell, it seems I like to be dominated in bed. I want to be told what to do, how to do it, etc. My husband and I have spoken about this but not in great detail since thought he’d just understand. He’s far from a mindreader but typically understands what I need without me having to outright say it. I can’t outright say it this time around because I don’t know where to start. I know I’m not ready for anything like whips, clamps, etc.
What/where would you suggest an amature would start? I mean, I like my hairpulled (just not out of my scalp…ouch!). I like to be spanked bare bottom. I like being somewhat forced to suck his cock (meaning he pushes and pulls my head just the way he needs it). But I don’t know what to add next. My husband and I enjoy using toys (mainly vibrators and silicone cockrings with attached bullets (yes, I love vibrator) so we’re not afraid to try new things. But what what to attempt next? Like I said, not sure about quips and clamps and things of that nature. What would you suggest to a novice?
Thanks for your time, advice and thoughts!
I’d suggest starting by listening to episodes 17 and 19 with your husband, then talking about any ideas in those shows that appeal to either of you. We answered a similar question in episode 23 so that might be some help as well. One challenge for those with sub-curious playmates is that there isn’t a ton of information out there on how to be sexually dominant. I have that topic slated for a little later this summer, and if you have any further questions after checking out the three past episodes please let me know and I’ll talk about them on a future Advice Line show.
Very new listener to podcast….LOVE YOU, LOVE IT!! I am addicted!
I am looking forward to your next podcast on ass play – *ding*
I just wanted to share something my husband and I use to help with the uncomfortable parts of this play ie cleanliness, rough fingers/nails, etc. The addition of finger cots to our play has made it so much more enjoyable. The technical name is finger cots but what they literally resemble are finger condoms. You can find them for very cheap in your local drug store – I think in the bandaid isle. Anyway, they are a priceless addition for any time ass play. They are soft, smooth and greatly help with easy clean up! We highly recommend them.
Happy, fun ass play to all!!
You’re not the only one who’s a fan of them =D
I spent part of my youth working in restaurants and in the kitchen we used them on cuts. The first time I saw them in the medicine cabinet I took home a pocket full
Here’s my question: how the h*ll do women get pleasure from masturbation?
Background: 18 yr female, has found no pleasure in the few times tried masturbation or the one time try at sex. Has had only 2 bf’s and never really gone further then kissing (1 exception, as mentioned above) and worried about body’s functions or lack there of.
It’s far too early to be stressing out about whether or not your body’s working right. It’s way, way more likely that you and your body just need to get to know each other better, and that’s easy to fix. You’re just getting started on the greatest adventure in life, and getting started isn’t easy for everyone, but I’m sure Shara and I can talk you through it. We’ll be talking about this on the next listener mail (should be episode 34 or 35). Odds are far in your favor that you’ll end up enjoying sex as much as the rest of us.
I’m not sure where else to post this but… Where are the porno glyphs? They are so damn funny
This page is for posting anything and everything, so you came to the right place
I was thinking the other day that it’s been too long since I released new ones, and I’ve got some in the works.
Hey, so I have a question. Seeing as I’m 15 a good portion of my brain ends up thinking about sex and losing my virginity. So here’s my thing, I’m not to worried about losing my virginity anytime soon, it’ll happen when it happens (soon I hope) but I was wondering. Is it better to wait until you meet someone who you really hit it off with to lose it or is it good to go for the first girl that will let you in? Like, seeing as most (all?) people on this site are older than me, when you look back does your first time really matter to you anymore? Or is it just whatever?
I feel like I’ve made this a little long so in summation is it better to wait for a bit longer to find a special girl (or guy) or just go for the first person you can, and if you go with option 2 are there any regrets later in life?
There’s a lot of grey area there that boils down to whatever feels right to you. To answer the root of your question, for most guys the first time only feels like a big deal before it actually happens. Definitely don’t get hung up on worries about future regrets. Unless something outlandish happens your first time isn’t going to guide the course of your life, or turn you into a different person, or be your most cherished memory ever, or your one big regret later in life, or any of that other Lifetime Original Movie bullshit.
I instituted an official policy that I only fuck people I actually like (i.e. enjoy hanging being with while wearing clothes as well) when I was in my early twenties, and I stand by that as a healthy bare minimum. Sex is definitely different with someone you really care about, but it can still be awesome as long as you’ve got chemistry with someone.
So do whatever feels right, but as long as whatever you’re doing is legal wherever you’re at and you’re using condoms I’ve never been one to recommend polishing your virginity like it’s some cherished memento. I lean in favor of getting some practice so you’re better at it when you find someone you really want to hang on to.
Thanks, that’s kind of what I had going on in my head but you put it down really well
Also what you guys are doing is great! I am probably the most sexually prepared and most sexually mature 15 year old. It’s great knowing all this stuff.
We’re here to help
A little female perspective. That depends very much on personality. My more romantic friends for the most part waited till they were in some sort of relationship that they believed (in their 16-yr-old mind) would be lasting and important.
On the other hand, some of the girls I know, myself included, were more pragmatic and just wanted to find out what all the fuss was about. I lost it to a friend who was looking to solve the same problem. He was chosen because he was an easy going nice guy who I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with and I knew (and this was so important) that he would generally keep it to only telling a few friends.
No regrets at all. Just thought you might like the perspective and another idea for an option (friends with benefits)
JV, at some point you mention, even encourage, grabbing the back of a woman’s head while she is giving you a blowjob. I’d like to caution you men out there. DO NOT grab the back of a woman’s head unless you have a comfortable expectation that she won’t mind. Especially don’t do this if you are new partners. It will color how she feels about you as a guy and as a lover. You will destroy whatever trust she has placed in you. To me grabbing my head says, “I’m willing to ignore your comfort level or actually cause you discomfort in order to make myself happy.” From my perspective grabbing the head is a big turn off in all but a few cases in which permission has been granted in some kind of way. First, I have a delicate gag reflex. Once you push my head past where I know I must stop you’ll set it off. Then I have to cool things down a bit and take it slower or stop altogether. It messes up my rhythm and I’m sure yours too. Once I’m annoyed I’m also not focusing on the task at hand. Just a thought.
I’m not sure exactly what comment you’re referring to (there have been too many episodes to remember everything in all of them at this point), but I stress often that you shouldn’t do anything sexually without a reasonable expectation the play will be welcome. When you’re playing with someone new you always need to take things a step at a time while you’re getting to know each other sexually. You’ve got to be careful, though, about making character judgments without context. Just to play devil’s advocate, what if a guy’s last girlfriend loved being throat fucked and it became a habit for him because that was how she liked it? A lot of women do, and that’s not an unlikely scenario, and it also underlines why communication is so imperative.
People can have an aversion to anything sexually for any imaginable reason, and in your case you have a delicate gag reflex and strong personal feelings on the subject of skull fucking. Communicating that smoothly is as simple as saying, “Don’t touch my head while I’m going down on you, I have a thing about that.” On a guy’s end, just resting your hand on the back of a woman’s neck without actually doing anything will tell you a lot. If she doesn’t like force play at all you’re very likely to find out without pissing her off.
Just found your site and now your podcast has been loaded into my BlackBerry, chapters 17-19. just got through Chapter17 and took your advice abut looking at different types/styles of bondage, I find that rope and device bondage are where my focus lies.
Rope can be a lot of fun if you have the patience for it. Enjoy the show and let us know if you have any questions
Thank you times a million! The openness and information shared in your podcast has made my bed (or anywhere else I choose) such a better place! I will continue singing your praises to everyone I meet!
It’s our pleasure to make sure you have nothing but pleasure (and sometimes the fun pain…if you so choose
) Thank you for singing our praises, it is ALWAYS appreciated and we thank you for helping us end the sexual dark age!
shara
I’m one of those girls brought up in the sexual dark age, trying to come to a better understanding of great sex. Thanks to your podcast, I am now much better, and more willing to give head. I’m a vanilla girl so far, but with some confidence building.
So my question is probably too simple, but I was listening to an earlier podcast and the importance of how to do cowgirl and reverse cowgirl properly was mentioned, but I still don’t feel right doing it, so any tips for proper technique so I can get it right. Thanks!
I’ll get into this for you on the next listener mail. Should be around episode 33
Hey I’m new to the site and to the podcast so I’m sorry if my question(s) have been answer somewhere else. I was thrown into BDSM by an ex when I was 18. I really had no clue what I was doing as a dom, although I did really enjoy the little I was doing. Sadly she got frustrated and after a while left me. A mere three years later I’ve fallen into a very vanilla sex life, but I always remember that short time of, for lack of a better word, control.
I ran into this podcast by chance on itunes and my curiosity has been through the roof. I am a currently single male now living in central Florida. I’m looking for different ways to get info and hopefully be eased into BDSM over the internet and in my area (I think one thing J.V. recommended was called a munchin?). I’m most interested in dom and sub, but I’m open to more if I can find proper guidance. Any infomation would be helpful and thank you for your time.
Hey Hannabol,
Now that you’re on Fetlife you should check out the geographical listings for Florida here: http://fetlife.com/administrative_areas/3946. You’ll find some local groups to join so you can start meeting a few people (even if it’s only online) and there are also event listings. There’s probably a group for Florida munches if you look for it. I can’t remember if we discussed munches in detail during episode 17 or 19, but if you haven’t listened to those two yet they’ll help you get your bearings.
If you go to a munch you’ll find they’re very casual atmospheres, and just be honest about your experience level and interest in learning. You can probably find a local mentor that will help you start finding your way, and of course feel free to shoot any questions our way
I agree, a munch is one of the easiest ways to get to know people and get good guidance. You can usually find someone who is well respected in the community as well as someone you would get along with.
After listening to Episode 8 about sex toys with my Dom, I started considering buying my first vibe for us to try out together. What are the health benefits for women who masturbate. Men that spank the monkey get all kinds of great shit, like decreased chances of prostate cancer. Are there benefits like that for women?
Well, the benefits are really in the orgasm itself and not the method of getting there. In general, regularly scheduled orgasms help keep your blood pressure, brain chemistry and hormones in balance and working properly, so in reality everyone gets very significant health benefits. In addition, for women, frequent orgasms will heighten sexuality overall (i.e. keep your motor running
)
So, it’s a good thing I masturbate so often then??? ~giggle~
Absolutely, and the masturbation keeps you warmed up for whenever I feel like bending you over the couch.
I also wanted to make sure to give a big thanks to you shara. I’ve been trying to get myself off for years and finally at 21 after listening to what you had to say, I discovered the key to finding my own orgasm. It was amazing!!!
Thank you
Outstanding!
That, right there, is the reason we do this show.
/victorylap
I am a fat admirer and can only get aroused by a fat woman. There are more bbw and chunky girls than ever these days and I am floating out the idea that a podcast dedicated to bbw’s and their admirers may be in order. Fat sex is different in many ways and your listening audience may enjoy an episode on this topic. I am happy to provide more information if you are interested.
I think that would definitely be a worthwhile topic. I probably won’t get to it until sometime this summer, but I’ll email you when I start prepping it.
Thank you for your response and I am happy to share my experiences in being a confirmed FA (“fat admirer”). Women who are thin already have body image issues and bbw are even saddled with more hang ups and I have had success in getting many bbw to open up and enjoy their bodies. I thoroughly enjoy your podcasts and thank you for your commitment to ending the sexual dark age.
Excellent
My husband and I just started listening to your podcast. LOVE IT! Keep it up! Your podcasts are humorous and so eloquently put – and they make long drives tolerable. So we thought we would come hunt you down on your website and give some hero worship where it is due.
Thanks!
B & M V
(PS shame you are going to every two weeks).
Thanks guys, great to have you listening. Being back to bi-weekly will also allow me to produce more smut for you, so stay tuned
Perhaps I will just have to get him more help at the office so he has more time to END THE SEXUAL DARK AGE! That will be my homework assignment for the good of all who want to help end the sexual dark age.
shara
I am very curious about what you will say in the Dom/sub episode (I am assuming here that it’d be natural to have such a delightful episode aired, yes? ;-p). I would say that I am not a natural sub or Domme, but have been both in the past (I would call myself a switch or perhaps Pansexual). Indeed, it has led me to believe that a good Dom(me) would have at least acted the part of the sub. But that is going off topic.
Before going into that lifestyle I always thought that the Dom(me) had all the power, I read too much fiction online! Now, I don’t know if this is because I am not a natural (I just love kinky sex!) but that the sub holds all the cards. I’ll try to explain.
1) They tell their Dom(me) their limitations, and those should be honoured. Encouragement into other areas, maybe, but I think there is a moral code.
2) A Dom(me) needs to be creative. At all times. (hard work!)
3) Safe word. The action can stop at a wink’s notice.
4) As a sub, knowing that you are the one causing pleasure, that you could indeed stop at any moment, rebel, is a turn on for me when I am being subservience. For the Dom(me) to get off power has to exist.
5) The Dom(me) burns the most calories – how do you guys do it all the time?!? Not that I’m saying I don’t rejoice that the strap-on was invented.
6) The sub gets looked after. Right, I know this might sound odd. But to me it’s a cushy life. He had to offer services for that life!
PS – I’m missing the show this week!
PPS – In the translations episode way back you did not discuss TGs / CDs. I find it fascinating (which, bless her, must had annoyed a past g/friend of mine) and I would love to hear yours and Shara’s view.
Hey Elf,
Your synopsis of the power dynamic is pretty much right on. The submissive holds the throttle, the dominant definitely has a more complex job to do, and there’s no reward in the submission of the weak (i.e. a sub who doesn’t own their power before surrendering). Still, from my point of view as a card-carrying dominant, getting myself into dom space has always been well worth the price of admission (submission?
)
We’re going to circle back toward some more in-depth BDSM episodes once we finish the non-monogamy shows, and there will certainly be a D/S show later this spring/early summer. I’ll try to mix in talking about TV/TS somewhere between here and there, it’s definitely worth covering.
After a 14 or so hour day at work in which i ate through almost every episode out so far i decided i wanted to man up and make sure my woman’s pussy was happy. Now she has no complaints AT ALL about our sex life and we are happy swingers who enjoy sexual fulfillment daily, but she has had some experience in the bdsm world and i had never really felt comfortable with it. Not that I didnt think some dom sub play would be fun, i just never felt that i quite knew enough to really play a good dominant. However, after listening to your bdsm episodes, i immediately told my girl to listen to them. When i got home from work we discussed her thoughts on it. She said that you told it like it is. Afterwards we started playing a little dom sub action. I ended up tying her up, her calling me master REPEATEDLY, skull fucking her like the dirty slut she is (That one was for you J.V. lol), and all in all it was one of the best sex sessions we have ever had. I’d like to thank you guys for all your advise, laughs, and entertainment. Keep up the good work! P.S. Its over fifteen minutes afterwards and she just said her feet are still tingling
Thanks uberdork, and congrats on releasing your girl’s inner slut.
I believe that inner slut is in every woman. Some are harder to release than others but once you do …. watch out!! For women everywhere, we thank you for releasing your woman’s inner slut!
shara
Just wanted folks out there to know that absolutely mind blowing sex can happen to you even after 30 plus years of marriage. My husband and I recently, in the past six months, have embarked on a voyage of kinky play and it has freed me from the sexual dark age. We talk, plan, scheme and tease each other sexually. He takes his time, makes me come again and again, ties me up, spanks me and orders me around and I LOVE it! The submissive in me is alive and well and all I want to do is please him and have his cock in my mouth. A big part of this play that keeps us both excited is that we “sext” each other daily on our cell phones. This brings a whole new level of horniness to me when he describes the nasty scenes he has planned for our next encounter. We have started listening to your podcasts in the car and they have opened up our communications even more, so I thank you for that. I look forward to many more podcasts and much more fucking!!!
Thanks kc, always great to hear from someone living the dream
Hey J.V. and Shara. I have to start off by saying I absolutely love the show. It’s so refreshing to hear some of the things that I have been preaching to my friends for years. I’m a young cocksmith of 25 and a former peer educator for a planned parenthood youth group so I do have some experience on the health and communication side of sex.
Anyways I have been a listener for about two weeks now and I have caught all but six episodes. I can’t get enough! I do also listen with my gf and we both love the homework. I’ve ALWAYS stressed to my buddies that it is not as much about getting a girl to fuck, but more about getting her to need to fuck you.
My gf and I have always had awsome sex but your show is kicking it up a notch for both of us. We have used some light kink in the past( I.e. Electrical tape, rope, being gagged with panties and other fun stuff). We both can’t wait till the anal episode. We’ve tried it before and we both liked it, but it’s not apart of usuall play. Hopefully after the anal episode it will be. Anyways keep up the great work and thank you for real
Swaggie,
So glad to hear you enjoy the show and that the show is kicking up your already awesome sex to an even higher level. Going to have to prepare myself EXTRA for the anal episode or hide the bell! ~giggle~
Shara
Hey I also wanted to know is there going to be an episode about voyeurism and exhibitionism or are those topics going to be incorporated into the group sex episode? I certainly think that these are some aspects of group sex, but also they can be a totally different experience in and of themselves. My gf and I have had same room sex and I felt it was more V&E than group sex because we did not play with the other couple. they were in the same bed but we never crossed paths. It was super hot watching and being watched. Almost like a lil competition of which couple had better sex (of course we did lol) Anyways let me know.
p.s. V&E is my own slang for the sexual dynamic of Voyeurism and Exhibitionism; please be encouraged to use it.
I agree with Swaggie….V&E can be totally different topic separate from the swinging episode….just sayin’
Shara
Honestly I have a lil bit of both in me; I like to watch others. I’m not the creepy guy in the bushes, but if I’m on my balcony and a couple across the way is doing the do, I feel that it’s fair game. If you really didn’t want anyone to see you close the curtains. Hell sometimes the gf and I will get it in on the balcony. We’re into it because it’s someplace different and just maybe someones window may be open, and they may be horny or curious enough to see what the noise is about. It just gets me hot thinking about it. You seem enthused about V&E yourself Shara; if you have a preference are you Team Voyeur or Team Exibitionist?
shara—hiding the bell is NOT allowed. Though as I piinted out your voice gives you away before JV can hit the ding-a-ling. It is a really fun part of the show.
Wondered if any one has experience with electro stimulation, positives, negatives, safety , better or worse systems. thanks
Hey Bob,
I haven’t done a ton of electroshock play but I can give you some direction. I’ll put this down to talk about on one of the Listener Mail shows coming up.
The two most common tools of electro-play are violet wands and TENS (Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) units. Violet wands are more fun and less hassle in my opinion, as there’s less to set up and less chance of unintended side effects. TENS units exist primarily as a physical therapy item with sex play as a peripheral use. If you decide to buy one, look at vanilla suppliers as you’ll probably end up paying a lot less.
You’re looking at a few hundred bucks for a violet wand, but if you spend some time with Google you’ll find plenty of places selling them and some instructional videos. Electro play can be a lot of fun, and if you have any more specific questions before I get to this on the show (might be a few as I’m going to look for someone with a ton of experience to discuss safety and long term aspects) just drop me a line here.
JV your lack of electrical play time does show. There are lots of electrical toys out there. The violet wand and the TENS units are the most common but you haven;t lived until the electric dog collar strapped to your balls goes off from the DOMME over half a mile away as a means of paging you back to the dungeon in a real hurry.
Have Shara find you some of the wired pussy video clips on Kink.com the ladies there are VERY invetive with electricity. PES out of Las Vegas has a lotof really cool electrical toys for your pleasure.
Hi Bob,
The only experience I have had so far is the violet wand. Scared me at first but then I enjoyed it. It’s been a long time so I would probably be nervous again but always willing to try something I haven’t done in awhile ~smile~
Shara
Dear J.V. Altharas,
I just started following. Your podcast is filled with some good stuff, man.
In response to Cunni Linguistics, you’re on point.
Did you know: 1 in 4 teen girls has at least one STD (According to MsNbc, Abc News, and The New York Times).
Help keep your listeners healthy by reminding them how important is is to get tested often.
Thanks J.V.,
saltydogg087
Hey SaltyDogg,
I came up with that STD number putting together research for the Safe Sex episode coming up. I bums me out knowing that number could be so much lower with realistic education for our teenagers.
I amm working on all those stats for JV this w/e. The no sex bs of the past decade have really placed STDs in very untraditional placed.
Great show, I came in just recently but have backed up and listened to everything to date. Keep up the good work. And Shara, I bet you are adorable when you are blushing and the bell rings
Squerrik,
Glad you enjoy the show and as for being adorable when blushing and the bell rings, well…let’s just say I feel warm and tingling all over and I think that brings a natural glow to anyone
Shara
She’s totally adorable. And don’t let her fool you, she doesn’t hate the bell…she hates that she loves it
Hi, I’m a 37 year old female. I have always had a high sex drive. But, it seems lately it is in overdrive! Is this normal? I’m almost always wet and throbbing. I am wanting things done to me that I never wanted before. My husband of 21 years isn’t complaining..:) lol but he doesn’t understand why i want rougher sex now. I figure I’m just board with the same ol’ same ol’. He isn’t into the kink, doesnt like pain.. I have never wanted it before either… But now…… Uggg I’m just so confused. Thanks for having a place that i can come to and not feel like a perverted mom.
Hormonal changes bring many women to a sexual peak in their late thirties. Sometimes it’s more of a consistent new high, as the word “peak” implies the sex drive goes back down again. It’s perfectly natural and even predictable.
It’s also normal for your desires and relationship with sexuality to evolve as you get older. We open ourselves up to new ideas, try some new things and really like them, and our sexuality reorganizes itself around the new desires. I’ve mentioned before that boredom is predictable when you haven’t done anything new in a while, and it sounds like you have a dose of that going on too.
As far as him not being interested in the pain, some guys have trouble separating recreational spankings and such from what they consider “abusive.” Most guys can step up when they “get” the fact that they’re giving you pleasure by using pain,
so let me know if that sounds like your guy and I’ll come at the issue from that angle when I cover it on the show in the next few weeks.
In the meantime I say, “Congratulations, enjoy.”
Thanks JV, I am trying to be more expressive of my wants during sex. (thanks to your show) I forgot to also mention that he is 6 years older than me. I was 16 when we got married, neither one of us has ever been with another. We normally had sex 2-3 times a week. Now i want it every day sometimes twice a day. I think i’m tiring him out! Lol poor guy
I am taking your advice and masturbating every day (for the health of my cervix, of course!)
Yesterday I told him that I wanted him to pinch and pull on my nipples and that i liked the way it felt. He did it but, wanted to know why I wanted and liked it. I just told him that it felt good to me. I also told him I wanted him to tie me up sometime. It is strange that it is so hard to tell someone that knows you inside and out that you want to try new things! I am working on being more open with what i want. I was giving him a really awesome blowjob, (homework) i had music on, candles, really was into it. Btw I love giving head. His nipples were so hard i nibbled on one and he hated it. So i figure if he cant feel pleasure from pain, maybe he will have a hard time understanding why i want it. Thanks for your help. Sorry this is so long.
Kiersten
Kiersten,
I would definitely ask him to tie you up, tell him to surprise you as to when (sounds like you have kids so maybe he could arrange to take you away for the weekend and have a relative or close friend watch the kids. Let him know that while he has you tied up to force you to give him a blow job (since you enjoy giving them and I’m sure he enjoys receiving them) this will allow the “rougher” side of sex to play out by him forcing you to give the blow job and a way for him to get some excitement out of the “rougher” side of the sex play.
Shara
Shara, that is a great idea! I really, really need to do that. I hope he will go for it. I’llnkeep you posted. And yes, we have two teens. It is super hard now to sneek off for sex not like the old days when we could put on a Barney vcr tape and have 1 hour of mom and dad time. They stay up late at night, and now they *KNOW* what we are doing when we dissapear for a little bit here and there! Well, i thank you both for what you are doing for us. These are things I’d have a tough time talking to someone i know about.
Kiersten,
Yeahhh for a high sex drive…enjoy it as I do! I’m in overdrive as well but I think I always have been, lol. I have a lot of mom friends that listen to the show and they too are glad there is a place they can go to feel “normal”. I believe this is normal but many do not share how they feel because they are too embarrassed. Yet, what is there to be embarrassed about when sex is something you enjoy. That to me makes any relationship strong and even stronger when you want it often. I hope your husband can go along for the ride and enjoy it as much as you do!
Shara
Any tips on getting someone out of your “league”? There is a girl who I know me and my girlfriend would be able to please the hell out of if we could just figure out the best way to go about getting her into our bedroom.
I can probably give you some tips on that. A few questions:
1) Do you have any history of threesomes with your girlfriend?
2) How well do you know the girl you have in mind?
1. yes, no problems there.
2. I have hung out with and chatted a bit at the bar with the girl.
Hi JV and Shara
do you like cream-pies and are you going to touch on this subject on your brilliant show?
I’m sure we can work that in somewhere
Thanks. I am looking forward to listening to that one.
keep up the bell ringing it give me a great mental picture of Shara’s blushing.
Another one for the bell…lol…I’m NEVER going to be able to get rid of that darn bell! LOL
Hi JV and Shara, LOVE the show, hey, I wanted to submit a question to you but I can’t find an email address to do it?
Hey Bob, you can either call the listener line at 517-376-3116 or drop me an email to: jvaltharas [at] gmail [dot] com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you times a thousand! You and Shara know I am an avid follower of your work!
I thought I knew a lot before, but in all honestly I lacked the foundation that your information has provided!
I’m so grateful and look forward to everything else you have in store!
That’s why we’re here, and I love seeing posts like this
Much more to come, and I haven’t forgotten your request for a “seduction” episode.
I think one of the greatest things about this podcast is the open dialogue, not only between JV and I but also the dialogue amongst the listeners. It’s kind of our own little family, LARGE FAMILY (LOL) with a lot of kink. Followers like you make all of this worth the time we put into it.
Thank you Heather!
Shara
I have a question on the maturbation podcast i just relistened to. as a teen and young man i did spank the monkey daliy and he liked it but after i got married and the following twenty years my wife looked at it in a bad light so i just did it in private, now at this point my sex drive is still on high and hers has went from low to non existent. ideas?
First, jerk off anyway. Your wife’s opinion on the subject is rendered invalid by the fact that she’s not getting you off. If she gives you any shit, just tell her it’s part of your prostate cancer prevention regimen =D
Negative attitudes toward masturbation are part of the generally negative attitude towards sex that way too many of us end up with in the Dark Age. The loss of sex drive with age is part and parcel of those negative attitudes. Shame leads to an unwillingness to be explorative, which eventually leads to boredom because there’s no spice; and as I said in episode 17, there are only so many ways to insert tab A into slot B before you run out of new ground to cover.
This is a really common issue, and I’ll get into it a little on the next full Listener Mail. There’s also an episode on “thawing the ice” in the works.
Thanks J.V. I’m looking forward to it both, slapping the pope and your next podcast
I have too many positive things to say about your webcast, so for now you’ll have to be satisfied with: “Thank you.”
Totally satisfied
You’re welcome, and there’s lots more in the works.
I never thought i’d say this but lately I’ve been getting bored while giving head.
Now don’t get me wrong I love giving head. In fact I’ve been known to cum from it.
Its always been something I really love doing but now it seems more like a chore.
Maybe its because I do it so often or because I don’t know enough creative ways to spice
it up.
I don’t know what’s different but I know I need help.
I haven’t said anything yet to my guy because I have no idea how to bring it up without making it sound like a big deal.
This has only happened in the last 2 weeks but it feels like 2 weeks too long to me.
So if there’s anything I could try please please please tell me.
Because I’m so close to counting strokes its not even funny.
Thanks in advance
Hey ninjah,
I’ll hit this on the next Listener Mail in more detail, but I think we can give you some ideas on how to spice things up. One thing that comes to mind immediately, since I know you’re starting to play with BDSM, is to start giving head while restrained or restricted in one way or another.
It will add another dimension to the experience, since any restraints will limit your mobility and/or use of your hands, so it should force you to get creative and work with what you have.
Hi Ninjah,
First I guess I would ask if you are getting so interested in BDSM that the “regular” routine has become boring. If this is so is he willing to play in the BDSM arena and do you trust him enough to do so.
If all of the above is true then I agree with JV. When you are restrained (my favorite is when JV ties me to the bed or my hands are restrained behind my back and I’m on my knees).
Another fun BDSM play is to talk to him and tell him some things you would like to try. Trust me, most men LOVE the fact that the woman is interested. Once my Dominant told me to be kneeling naked when he came home from work and to have my collar resting in my hands. Just the thought of that made me wet as could be and well…lol…I was ALL his when he walked in the door and the excitement for me was more than I ever expected.
For non BDSM play sometimes it’s all about putting yourself in the right frame of mind and not in the mind of it being a “job”. Light some candles, put some “come get me” music on….make sure to take time for yourself before hand….take a bath…doll yourself up more than usual, preferably you are home along when doing this, when he gets there have him take a shower so he is nice and clean and ready for you. Make the evening nice and relaxing for you and begin slowly to enjoy him. Sometimes adding some whip cream or chocolate sauce..something you enjoy…to lick is helpful.
I have many more ideas should you want more but again I guess knowing how much BDSM play are you interested in and is he interested as well.
Shara
I just wanted to leave a small note reminding you two that we love you!
We love you too lady
YES…YES…YES…. we love you too!!! Thank you! Haven’t been on much lately…J.V. has been testing out a few things on me for the BDSM episodes. Note to self….NO COMPLAINTS…~giggle~
I love listening to all the podcasts. It has given me new insite into things and trying new things. The homework assignments have been fun.
During the Christmas break I decided to try something with Liam and our other. I surprised them both. One morning I woke Liam up with a surprise blow job, and it was great. I enjoyed every minute of it.
Then one evening when all 3 of us were together I decided to work on both Liam and her. I laid them both on the bed and switched back and forth between them. It was my firt time fingering a girl too so I learned how to use my fingers. So I fingered and licked her while my other hand was stroking him.Then I would go to sucking him while my other hand was fingering her. I didn’t stop until I had made her cum. It was a great time. I enjoyed trying to multi-task. To keep them both feeling good.
With being a sub I love and want to please the people I’m with. I think I succeeded with this. It made me feel so good to do this to them also.
I also got to try out a new toy that Liam got me for Christmas. It was a strap on set that I saw online that I wanted so much. It was so great to use. It was fun to find what angles are better for certain things when it came to anal usage. I have to say I love toys and am so happy I got to add more to my collection.
I also wanted to say that I am finding when I have sex I feel so much better. It cures a bad or down mood I’m in. I just feel better about everything after I’ve had a good time.
Yup, that’s the great lie of the Sexual Dark Age getting debunked. Shame and embarrassment over something with such tremendous power to improve our lives and attitudes has always boggled my mind
It’s always great to see your posts Curiouskity. It seems like you’re the same type of natural submissive that Shara is, and I love to see a submissive embracing her path. The homework is going to get progressively more interesting, so I hope I can keep giving you fresh ideas to improve your play time.
On #16 you spent a little time talking about dyes leaching from sex toys and the potential dangers that may come from absorption. You do have reasons to be concerned. The science is in and we’ve found that many toys contain and off-gas toxic molecules. The Coalition Against Toxic Toys has done a lot of work in this arena and it is worth checking out.
The avoid those jelly toys and cyberskin and stick to the steel, hard plastic, surgical grade silicon, and glass.
J.V. I like what you are doing and it is very rare that I can say that about a sex education podcast. Keep up the honest pursuit of a very valuable cause.
Sincerely,
KK
Thanks for posting this Kidder. The flyer on the CATT website is something I want to share with my audience on the next Listener Mail show. In hindsight I also didn’t go deep into proper cleaning during my sex toy show, so this is a great opportunity to get back to the topic for a few minutes.
It’s an honor to get a “thumbs up” from someone with your credentials, and I hope to keep you entertained as the show moves forward.
OGP,
I promise to give a full report back!
Yes, she’ll be talking about this on the next Listener Mail =D
Ninjah,
I think MANY of us were masturbating as young girls earlier than most wish to admit. I’m proud to admit it because I believe it only shows how much I enjoy sex. I too started masturbating at a very early age and can only admit that when I was done, I was smiling
.
Didn’t realize I had that much beneficial to say.
JV Thanks for the comments. Shara we expect a report of the safe back to front play.
JV of course you are going to make her not remember what you are doing.
Happy testing.
OGP
Interesting on the first go-round. I let her forget all about it before surprising her the other day. Next time will go a little smoother, but she loved it.
I’ve been debating for a while on if I should talk about my sexual history. I desided to in hopes of maybe helping someone else and if I have more questions (and I will) then you’ll be more able to help me.
As far back as I can recall I’ve always known about sex. Infact I can clearly recall masterbating with squiggle wiggle pen at 5. Btw I sware that was the thinest veiled vibrator in the world, ever. Haha
my mom was a single parent and had a few boyfriends so I knew from her I-think-the-kids-are-asleep moans that sex must be great. She kept books in the house like Our Bodies Our Selfs and (I think this is the title) The Male Sexuality in the house but she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it directly to my sister and I. Most of my understanding of sex when I was younger was based on books which was okay but not really the same as having open discussions. Even to this day its hard for us to talk about sex but not because she’s not willing to it more because we’re just not into the same stuff. so the questions I have about bdsm and other things she just doesn’t know about to answer.
My teens weren’t just about exploring sex but over coming an event that could have been a devistating blow to my sexuality. At 15 I had my first sexual experence but I didn’t lose my virginity consensually.
Rape as a first time experience happens to more women than ppl may think and for a lot of women it can stunt sexual growth. I can talk about this now because I made a choice then that I wouldn’t let one asshole ruin my outlook on sex, period.
I had a had a supportive long distance boyfriend at the time who helped me move past it and was okay with taking things slow. We built up this amazing trust in each other with conversations about sex that led us to having amazing sex. He off and on lived in Boston (where I live) so we saw enough of each other to explore sex. He always said “never fake the funk” and to this day I’ve never faked an orgasm. We tried different things all the time from handcuffs to quickies in the park. We’re still close to this day even though we broke up after 7 yrs due to distance. I’ve had some lovers sence both female and male but its been a challenge for me to find not just great sex but amazing sex.
I’m currently dating a guy now whom I’m slowly taking things up a notch with. Thanks to Ending The Sexual Darkage I know how to go about taking my sex life to the next level as well as learning things I never knew before.
I know this post is hella long so I’ll close with thank you for this site and show.
Peace
Music—– Like many guys I always like to have the mood music for my activities during naked or scene play time. I got into a rut (no pun intended) with Enya, etc, until one day I got my iPod set up to my classical music. Many of us oldsters remember Bo Derek, Dudley Moore, and Ravel’s Bolero in the movie 10.
It just so happens I have a part time playmate (who never heard of Ravel or 10) so I cranked up the Ravel CD I have. just “playing” her various pussy parts to the music while kissing nibbling and caressing the rest of her drove her over the edge so many times she begged me to stop (and she is the Domme!) I keep telling her we are going to do a demo for one of our community classes.
Sadly it has been some time since we last played but she gets hot every time Bolero plays. !!
And for multiple reasons we have not gotten to pussy licking to Bolero. I can;t wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to say how amazing this show is! I can definitely testify to how the sexual darkage has screwed with my head almost to the point of driving me insane with guilt over feelings I did not understand. Raised as a god-fearing child (and when I say fearing, I MEAN FEARING), I have gone through so many years of being told I must repress this side of me.
My first even-remotely-close-to-sexual experience was when I was only a few years old and playing with a boy. That ended when my parents found me, spanked me, and put me in a corner crying to think about the horrible thing I had just done…if my memory serves me well, we were fully clothed and not touching “inappropriately”. I didn’t understand it. I always recall that as the first ever and most confusing and influential sexual experience of my life. It told me that any of these feelings I had must be terrible if they made my parents so mad. I was later told not to hug people, hold their hand, kiss them, have sex, touch myself…I actually grew up thinking that merely hugging someone was bad. I can’t hate my parents for this though. Religion and their parents’ ideas made them victims too.
My ideas started changing with time, but up until a couple months ago I was still repressing SO much and realized I still know so little. Although it is still not easy to fully remove this crap from my brain, I am now taking steps toward getting my head out of the darkness…starting with this podcast. I absolutely LOVE it! THANK YOU!!!
I always love hearing feedback like this, because it reinforces my reasoning on doing this show in the first place. I’ll never claim to have all the answers, but I’ll keep right on sharing my own experience and (hopefully) helping you and everyone else who grew up in similar circumstances to find a guilt-free, shame-free relationship with sexuality. Thanks for sharing, and listening
Question: I debate back and forth ass to pussy fucking…my husband LOVES the idea I’ve tested it a few times but am uncomfortable with it because well …shit in the vag is nasty(in the bacterial scence). I want to fuck in kinky ways to make him happy and so he will do the tricks that get me off too. I just don’t know how unhealthy it is to mix body microbes. I will say it was liberating the few tries I did it. The two arguments my husband has is that animals lick their ass and its my bodies funk.
Oh my gosh HELLO bladder infection.
I’ll cover this in more detail when I cover anal as a topic, but ass-to-pussy is a really, really bad idea, as is ass-to-mouth. If you’ve done it several times already it’s a miracle you haven’t gotten a serious bladder infection, at least.
Yes, animals lick their asses, but they have much stronger immune and digestive systems…dogs eat their shit because re-ingesting the bacteria actually helps them digest food. Everything your body sends out the back door, it doesn’t want anymore.
The jumping from one hole to another on a whim can be really hot and a lot of fun, but the only two holes you can safely play that game with are your mouth and pussy.
I am a KAP (Kink Aware Professional) this is an absolute no-no. a bladder infection is the least of your worries.
If you like this have you guy “sneak” a condom on for your ass fuck then sneak it off for pussy fucking. if he is good enough you won’t realize you are not being nasty and it will still satisfy those urges in a safer saner manner.
Hello and i must say thank you for doing this. we have been playing your PODCAST for over a week now. We have played all of your, past shows in SL. You have met ( IMED) my Dom, Inkspot, on Skype. We have been running your shows and every time a few more new ppl show up to listen and are regulars LOVE IT…….ok lil about me.
I grew up with what i now call being sub trained , by my father , NO NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY. But in the ways of being a woman. Look good when you leave the house, take care of your self , speak well, never disrespect your man in anyway ..i can go on and on , but i think you get what i am saying. But i never got that book on the different kinds of sexual guidelines so in my 40 years of men or lack of men….i mistook a Dom, for the ASSHOLE FACTER…..(IM 44 just turned ) and wouldn’t you know it, with just a casual meeting with a man in SL just talking.
I discovered it’s a Dom i have always wanted, Just had never met a RL DOM (not a Dungeons and Dragons Master) i have been with my Master for 9 months now ..and have never been happier in my whole sexual life and emotional life …i learned what the ASSHOLE FACTER that i always refered to was not what i needed , or ever wanted ……A dom has been what i always needed …i never been happier, the main rules that was like being kicked in the head, of duh……..is the truth an honesty..when i got those things totally changed my life from a sneaky ally cat ( in SL i have been single in rl from 25 ) And this is the second part of my comment, we are both a lil older him 50 me 44.
We have never physically met , but i have never known a man better we talk and hang out 10 to 20 hours a day sometimes (but yes we do hang out for many hours every day , he lives with his sub of 14 years and we are moving very slowly (it turns out he is actually always right every time ) but its not someone that, i know about him is what info he chooses to give me ..when you hear the family , IM his sub here his older children, we know each other as well as 2 people could at this point in any good relationship, we certainly are not having sex for 10 hours a day to we talk about everything at this point this man knows my body has taken control and has made me a much better passenger on the ride. But one topic you may really may want to cover is finding BDSM even when your that old dog and people that are older and have health problems and disabilities that limit some play IE whipping flogging and areas that could actually kill you if your skin was cut, i am in a wheelchair from a car accident , at 17 i’m a para , and skin brake down and the ass a small cut , you could end up in a hospital because a small cut can turn in to a pressure wound and 4 years latter be still recovering in bed.
But i also did just get what we call are BDSM starter kit …ball gag, nipple clamps (DAM I LOVE NIPPLE CLAMPS) clit vibrator blindfolds cam…and ooh thank SKYPE (yes i’m a voice nympho ) but our needs and wants fall right in line with what we need from that other person in our life, or other persons in your life, but loving the ride its an E ticket ride and if it took me this long to find my gentleman Dom. I cant wait to see what tomorrow holds for me. (but if you ever do a show on disabilities and BDSM i would be willing to give you some help ….oo and start your shopping in the hardware department.
Thanks DeadViole, I’m really glad you’re enjoying the show and Inkspot’s addition of the show to his stream is a really cool bonus that I never would have thought of. Now I just need to get a promo made up for him…on my list of “catch up” items now that I’m feeling better.
Thank so much for reading my comments on the podcast guys! It has definitely made me feel like I have something to add.
A little about my sexual history… I grew up in a household that was conservative on the surface but, for some odd reason, liberal in action. I had plenty of male and female playmates throughout childhood and developed a sexual identity that was slutty in nature and at odds to both my upbringing and the restrictions of the conservative area I grew up in (Colorado Springs). I spent a lot of time swinging back and forth between what made me happy and what I thought I was “supposed to be doing”.
After many peaks and valleys I ended up getting married. Bad choice since it was completely against what I had learned of myself and my tendencies toward non-monogamy. That relationship failed and it wasn’t until after almost two years of celibacy that I discovered “The Ethical Slut” which brought me to the realization that I was not alone in wanting the things that I wanted. I wasn’t weird, I was just cut from a different cloth. I began to seek out relationships that were identified as polyamorous.
I am now in the most fulfilling and wonderful relationship of my life. It is built on a foundation of complete honesty and includes an amazing sexual relationship that we both work hard at maintaining. I think that’s ultimately the secret behind a great relationship, that you both work hard at maintaining it!
Well that’s my story… I look forward to hearing you guys talk about more advanced topics but respect the format of starting at the bottom and working your way up. I listen every week and visit the site all the time. Keep up the good work and know that I will continue posting as an advocate for everything you are trying to accomplish in ending the sexual dark age.
Having your input has been great Liz, and I hope you continue to share your thoughts with us. One of my many intentions with this project was to draw other sexual explorers out of the woodwork, in part to show the rest of the listeners that they’re not alone in their desires and delightfully dirty thoughts.
The poly lifestyle definitely isn’t for everyone, but there’s so much stigma attached (as you experienced) that those who can’t find happiness in monogamy often end up in a downward spiral of failed relationships (and often adultery), because they can’t bring themselves to accept that there’s another way.
The more advanced topics are coming soon, and we’re looking forward to hearing your thoughts on those as well; especially when we get to the swinging/group play topics.
Liz, I am glad you shared you experience. I also found the book “The Ethical Slut” to be very informative and helpful. I was at a drag show and had won the book as a prize. Ever since it has helped me figure things out about myself and what I want.
something i thought you might find amusing. shara might even like to wear this sometime
http://tinyurl.com/2v86shf
Pure awesome, thanks for sharing Caroline
Caroline….LOVE the button…a must have…thank you for sharing the link!
Today was the first day that I heard the podcast and I immediately identified with it. Its so funny that we Americans have this supposed “fairy tale” image around the world but are also one of the most sexually oppressed nations in the world. I remember when I was just a kid going thru puberty in middle school and being so stressed out that somehow someone would find out that I started masturbating already. When I was young I never got the “talk” from my parents, they weren’t religious but still didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness and I think that they thought that if they didn’t have to talk about it that I would be just fine.
Unfortunately for me I had an extremely HIGH sex drive (and still do). I constantly felt so bad about my masturbation and compared myself to a drug addict with an uncontrollable addiction. In fact I kept this secret “addiction” throughout my life and always thought that there was something wrong with me. It wasnt until I was in my mid 20′s when I started listening to Tom Lykas and Love line that I found that it was ok to embrace my sexual appetite. I still felt kinda bad about my urges until about a year ago and then I just said FUCK IT I got needs and I am going to fulfill them.
Now I am proud to say that I either have sex or masturbate once a day and I just make it part of my daily routine with NO MORE GUILT!! JV I love your no bullshit straight to the point attitude and love the fact that you GET IT. You are truly a great inspiration to us all that are stuck here in this OVER RELIGIOUS world.
Thanks Novastorm, I think you’ll love the stuff I have lined up for early 2011.